Midlands hot spot for marriage

Eight months ago, Omahan Amy Sather became the last in her closest circle of girlfriends to tie the knot.

“All my really good friends were married,” she said, and two of the three had wedded guys named Andy. “So when I met Andy... .”

Now Amy and Andy Sather, both 28, are part of a regional phenomenon. Midlanders, it seems, are a marrying kind. A new study of state-by-state census data on marriage and divorce finds that Nebraska and Iowa rank near the top in the percentage of their people who are currently hitched.

No one can say for sure why that's so — Midwestern work ethic? something in the water? — but the head researcher suggested a few factors, and local groups dedicated to preserving marriages have their theories.

First the numbers.

The percentage of Americans who are married continues its much-publicized decline of the past half-century, and Nebraska and Iowa are part of that trend. But they haven't declined as far as most states. According to the Washington-based Pew Research Center, using polling data collected in 2008:

Ÿ Men: 56 percent in Nebraska and Iowa are married, which puts the states in a four-way tie with Kansas and Utah for second place, behind Idaho. The nationwide figure is 52 percent.

Ÿ Women: 53 percent in Nebraska, Iowa and Kansas are wedded. That ranks the states behind only Idaho, Utah, North Dakota and Wyoming. The nationwide figure is 48 percent.

“It's an interesting measure,” said D'Vera Cohn, author of the report. But as for an explanation? That's more elusive — “a subject for further research,” she said. In fact, the Pew center considers marriage an important subject because, “although it is a less dominant institution than in past years, it is one that most Americans aspire to and one that is linked to many aspects of well-being,” she added.

The fact that most of the high-marriage states are clustered in the country's middle suggests some regional cultural influences at work, she said, but such things are notoriously difficult for researchers to define, let alone measure. Instead, her “The States of Marriage and Divorce” report could only knock down a pet theory or two:

Ÿ Education: There's a slight correlation between fewer college degrees in a state's population and more marrieds. But the correlation is slight, and Nebraska and Iowa are only slightly below the national average in college education — not much to hang an explanation on, Cohn said.

Ÿ Income: Think richer folk are more likely to be married? Think again. The data show no relationship between a state's average income and its percentage of marrieds.

Ÿ Religiosity: Again, no help here. Religion is a devilishly difficult thing to measure, Cohn said, but she did look for marriage patterns in states with high percentages of people who tell pollsters that religion is “very important” in their lives. No patterns showed up, she said.

Never mind, say locals who work closely with marriages. They think they have an explanation for the high percentages, even if they can't back it up with data.

“That kind of underlines the Midwestern ethic, doesn't it? Traditional values,” said the Rev. Dale Marples, who with his wife, Betty Jo, is pastor of Jubilee Church, at 95th and Fort Streets.

“There's just something ingrained in our thinking,” he said.

Marples recalled joining dozens of other Omaha clergy at a 2001 ceremony, organized by then-Mayor Hal Daub as part of an anti-divorce campaign, in which they pledged not to perform weddings unless the couples had undergone extensive pre-marital counseling.

“It's had an effect,” Marples said. The high-profile pledge prompted many churches to re-examine how they were supporting couples, both before and after marriage, he said.

One well-known marriage preparation program, FOCCUS, was born in Omaha in the mid-1980s and has since spread across the U.S. and to 13 other countries. Its executive director, Valerie Conzett, wasn't mystified by the latest numbers.

“We know the value of marriage. Our communities support it,” she said.

Although FOCCUS — it stands for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study — was originally designed for Catholic couples marrying in the Omaha Archdiocese, it was adapted for use by anyone, Conzett said. Its method is to spark serious conversations between a would-be bride and groom by asking them — separately — a battery of sticky questions, then comparing their answers under the eye of a counselor who's trained to explore discrepancies.

For instance: “We are in agreement about the husband and wife roles each of us expects of the other in our marriage relationship: agree/disagree/unsure.”

Or take a stab at this one: “There are qualities about my future spouse that I do not respect: agree/disagree/unsure.”

Sather, the Omaha bride who seemed destined to marry an Andy, said she and her now-hubby knew they would take the FOCCUS test long before they tied the knot Feb. 20.

“I was excited to take it,” she said.

What issues did it expose for discussion?

“Finances — that's always a big one,” she said. At the time, she and her finance hadn't worked out what kind of checking account to use or other details of connubial budgetary life.

What issues weren't covered in the counseling but have arisen since?

Sather laughed. “I think they need to include something on painting or wallpapering together.”

Contact the writer:

444-1140, roger.buddenberg@owh.com

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