Dickson's week in review

Against Colorado, Nebraska had 89 total yards in the first half, yet led 21-7 because of some good luck, opportunistic play, and a punt return. I believe that's called the “Iowa offense.”

Colorado still has supporters. On television they showed one guy dressed head-to-toe in black — wait, that was Carl Pelini.

Colorado announced that Dan Hawkins will return as coach. Naturally expectations are lowered. Hawkins guaranteed that next season his team will make 10 first downs.

Administrators decided before Friday's loss to Nebraska that a 16-32 record is good enough for a Big 12 coach to keep his job. Somewhere Frank Solich's head just exploded.

This Thanksgiving holiday, I was thankful I don't carpool with Tiger Woods.

Woods was involved in a bizarre incident under weird circumstances, and details are still sketchy. In other words, it's just like every time John Daly leaves his house.

The fortunes of Nebraska and Iowa have sort of flipped. Nebraska is preparing to play in the Big 12 championship game at Cowboys Stadium, and Iowa players are posing for the team photo with their hands on a bronze pig.

As you may know, Warren Buffett served as an honorary Husker captain at the Oklahoma game. Buffett took the quarter used for the opening coin flip, invested it and it's now worth $66.35.

Ndamukong Suh was fined $60 for negligent driving. He felt pretty confident about getting a light sentence when he stood up and the judge, bailiff and court stenographer all went “Suuuuh.”

Because of chemical engineering, a super species of turkey has been created that is so top heavy it's difficult for them to stand upright. This is a glimpse at where the future of major league baseball is headed.

Between all the football on TV on Thanksgiving and Creighton playing Michigan to overtime, I forgot to eat.

Creighton lost to Michigan in OT and Xavier at the tourney at Disney World. I wouldn't say the Bluejays are miserable, but Disney World is now ranked the 37th Happiest Place on Earth.

There was a rumor that Charlie Weis will coach in the Lingerie League, you know, because he's getting that pink slip.

Outside a South Bend bar, quarterback Jimmy Clausen was “punched by an irate Notre Dame fan.” That narrows the list of suspects to 1.2 million Americans.

To honor Tim Tebow on Senior Day, every Florida fan attending the game vs. Florida State was encouraged to wear eye black. On the other side of the stands, because it could be Bobby Bowden's last game, all the fans put on orthopedic shoes and wore their belts at chest level.

After the death of bulldog mascot Uga VII, a search is under way at Georgia for a permanent successor. I'm going out on a limb and predicting it'll be Uga VIII.

The BCS now has its own Twitter feed. It's available everywhere except Utah.

The Detroit Lions had a miracle 38-37 victory over Cleveland. At this point isn't every Lions victory a miracle?

At the last minute, Detroit sold enough tickets to avoid a blackout for the Lions-Packers Thanksgiving game. The big question — how can we get Lions games on Thanksgiving blacked out in the rest of the nation?

The Lions lost their sixth straight Thanksgiving game. Turkeys have a better recent won-loss record on Thanksgiving.

The Dallas Cowboys have played on Thanksgiving every year since 1966. It's a good idea. Seeing Tony Romo reminds Americans that turkey can be a choking hazard.

The Who will perform at halftime of the Super Bowl. This marks the fifth consecutive year that upon hearing who the Super Bowl halftime act was the average fan responded, “Are they still alive?”

The UFL championship game was on Friday; the Major League Soccer championship just took place; and the Lions played on Thanksgiving. If you fell asleep in front of TV this week, it probably had nothing to do with tryptophan.

During the UFL title game, one player looked into the camera and said, “Hi Mom.” Unfortunately Mom was watching a rerun of “Everybody Loves Raymond” on TBS.

Major League Soccer wants to put a team in Montreal. That's a fair exchange. Canada gave us mad cow disease, we give them soccer.

I think soccer could succeed in Canada if it's done right. The players will need to carry sticks, wear skates, and you had better call the ball a puck ...

Creighton's Justin Carter got his first haircut in five years. When he heard that, Doc Sadler said, “You too?”

Before the Arkansas State game, Carter took the floor wearing a lavender-pink sweater. He said this is the last time he goes to a garage sale at Doc Severinsen's house.

Delaware State has a point guard named Alibaba Odd. I typed his name into a search bar. How stupid is this? After several listings Google asked, “Not the Alibaba Odd you were looking for?”

Baylor freshman Brittney Griner became the seventh college woman to dunk in a game. She'd dunked before in college, but only in a venue where hardly anyone was around. Which means A. It was in practice, or B. At a Baylor football game.

After Friday's loss to Sacramento, the New Jersey Nets were 0-16. Ironically, the Nets are still the best thing about living in New Jersey.

The NBA banned a former scout for the Sacramento Kings for gambling but determined “there's no evidence he tried to influence the outcome of any NBA games.” The same could be said of the Kings' bench.

Junior middleweight boxing champ Kassim Ouma of Uganda was trained as an assassin. I only hope being linked to professional boxing doesn't sully the reputation of the assassin industry.

On toy store shelves: the “ESPN Sportscaster Mic” with built-in loudspeaker allowing kids to pretend they're calling whatever game is on TV. On the list of things I want in my home while trying to watch a tight game, this ranks just below a crying baby and roomful of peacocks in heat.

It teaches you the basics of beginning sportscasting. So if you're shopping for Chip Caray ...

And finally: Donny Osmond won “Dancing With The Stars.'' Orrin Hatch is thrilled. With the BCS formula, he knows this is probably the last time anyone from Utah wins anything.

--Omaha native Brad Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

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