Chad Millard left Creighton's practice Thursday afternoon wearing a look of discouragement and walking with a noticeable limp.
“How fitting is this?'' Millard said to a visitor.
Midway through the practice, the 6-foot-8 senior was battling teammate Wayne Runnels for a rebound that was bouncing out of bounds. The two players got tangled up, and Millard went down hard. He spent the rest of the workout sitting on the sidelines, an ice bag taped just above his left ankle.
Millard is no stranger to injury. His development as a player was hindered by a back problem as a sophomore, an ankle injury as a junior and a broken foot that cost him to miss most of preseason practice as a senior.
The impact of those injuries, along with the accumulation of the normal wear and tear a player's body is exposed to, has left Millard feeling older than his 23 years. Especially in the morning.
“When you have to lay down to put your socks on,'' he said, “you know you're not doing to well.''
But those aches and pains are nothing compared to the invisible bruise to his basketball soul that Millard will carry with him long after he leaves Creighton. There's nothing like unfulfilled potential to eat at an athlete's core.
Born in Lincoln, Millard grew up on the East Coast. He distinguished himself as a young player, first at Goffstown, N.H., High School and then at Brewster Academy, a prep school in Wolfeboro, N.H. One recruiting service once ranked Millard as the No. 19 prospect in the nation. Scholarship offers poured in, including one from legendary coach Rick Pitino and Louisville.
Millard accepted Pitino's offer, and played in 32 games, starting three times, as a freshman. He decided to transfer after his first season at Louisville, and he landed at Creighton.
After sitting out a season, Millard scored 15 points against DePaul in his Creighton debut. Things went downhill from there. He's scored only 171 points in the 81 games he's played since, and he'll go into Saturday's final regular-season home game against Bradley with career averages of 2.3 points and 1.8 rebounds.
Millard knows he's fallen short of the lofty expectations that others placed on him throughout his five-year collegiate experience. But he blames no one, because his own expectations were even higher.
“I didn't have every Big East school offer me a scholarship because I wasn't very good,'' he said. “The expectations were fair, very fair. Ability is something no one has ever questioned of me on any team I've ever been on.
“It's been called into question here because of my production.''
Millard paused, then used a word that every athlete dreads.
“I definitely underachieved,'' he said. “Anyone that knows me personally knows that's something I really struggle with every day. I've thought a lot about that I might be the biggest disappointment that Creighton has ever had.
“That's not something that's easy to swallow, and it's kept me up a lot of nights. It's one reason I worked hard so hard last summer. I kept telling myself that I couldn't do anything about the last two years or anything about getting hurt but that I wanted to go down fighting as a senior.
“That's something that really kept me motivated because the last thing I want to be remembered for that I was someone who underachieved or as a failure. I hope the fans don't think of me like that, but there's a pit in the bottom of my stomach that will always be there. I've let a lot of ability go to waste.''
Ask Millard if he has any regrets about coming to Creighton, and he replies that he has none. He said he doesn't even regret talking a couple of buddies into accompanying him to the gym last September for a Saturday night workout. He left the practice floor limping that night, too, after a bone in his foot snapped.
The injury cost him a chance to transform the hard work he put in over the offseason into a preseason impression on the coaching staff. By the time he was able to come back, others had established themselves and playing time was hard to come by.
“It would have so easy for me that night to have done something else,'' Millard said. “I could have easily stayed home or I could have easily have gone to a party. Maybe if I don't go to the gym that day, I don't break my foot and my role on this team is different.
“But I try not to regret things that have happened to me because I'm a huge believer that things happen for a reason. One turn somewhere leads you to a new road. I don't regret anything but hindsight is always 20-20.''
When Millard does leave Creighton, he'll do so with the respect of his teammates. They say he was willing to sacrifice to try to help make the team better. He came to Creighton as basically a perimeter player but played inside because of the Bluejays' overall lack of height.
“Chad's a guy that could play any spot on the floor, but he was willing to play center here,'' fellow senior Justin Carter said. “That shows his love for basketball and this team. He was willing to sacrifice his minutes to help the team.''
Millard has averaged 5.6 minutes in the 25 games in which he played this season. He scored 14 points, six coming on two three-point plays in a Jan. 13 home win over Southern Illinois. He played with fire and intensity that night, and Creighton fans, some of whom have criticized him over the years, adopted him as a favorite in return.
His appearances since usually are greeted with an ovation from the crowd. When it comes time to address the crowd after Saturday's game against Bradley, Millard will take time to thank the fans for providing him with some motivation that has kept him going in tough times.
As Millard put it, no player with an ounce of competitive juice flowing through his veins wants to sit on the bench. He's had to accept that as his role on the team, and he said the fans' faith in him made acceptance all the easier.
“I hope the fans remember me as someone that's very passionate about the team and not as someone that plays for the name on the back of my jersey,'' Millard said. “Every time I had the opportunity to play, almost to a fault, I was trying to better the team.
“And I really do appreciate how the fans acknowledge me and embrace me and accept me.It's nice to be liked and it's nice to be appreciated for the things, like setting a screen or playing hard, that can get overlooked. Our fans are smart enough to see that and to have them cheer for me when I go into games really means a lot.
“It makes swallowing not playing as much as you'd like to a little easier when you know there are people that truly embrace you.''
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