Sex abuse survivor will share story of triumph

Marilyn Van Derbur would lie in bed, dreading the moment she would hear the garage door open.

That meant her father was home, and while the Denver community knew Francis S. Van Derbur as a prominent business leader and millionaire, she knew a different side of him.

From the time Marilyn Van Derbur was 5 years old until she turned 18 and left for college, she was sexually abused and raped by her father in her bedroom at night.

She was too afraid to tell and didn't think anyone would believe her.

“I look back and there's no one I could have told,” she said in a recent phone interview. “So I repressed. I literally split into a day child and a night child. I was extremely successful in anything I did, but on the inside, I was in terror.”

Van Derbur, who was named Miss America in 1958, didn't hold her secret forever. She detailed her experience in a book, “Miss America by Day,” published in 2003.

Van Derbur, now 72, will share her triumph over sexual abuse and incest at Project Harmony's Speaking of Children event today at the Qwest Center Omaha. The event is sold out.

“The fact that she had the courage to come forward and share her story is amazing,” said Gene Klein, executive director of Project Harmony. “She's been a great advocate for child abuse victims, and we are thrilled to have her be a part of our event.”

Project Harmony, an Omaha child advocacy center, is hosting the event to provide further training for experts dealing with child abuse. The “Kids First” awards will also be presented to five professionals for their commitment and distinguished service. The recipients are: Jennifer Chrystal-Clark, deputy Douglas County attorney, juvenile division; Barbara Jessing, clinical director, Heartland Family Service; Gary A. Perkins, president and chief executive, Children's Hospital & Medical Center; Jackie Rickert, supervisor, Iowa Department of Human Services; and Sgt. Teresa Thorson, Omaha Police Department.

Van Derbur said it's critical for communities to have professionals and organizations like Project Harmony.

“Telling can be a very damaging experience,” she said. “Every community needs a place for a child where they are believed, where they are safe and where they can tell their story.”

Van Derbur said she confided in a youth minister when she was 24, but she couldn't tell her mother — or confront her father — for many years after that.

When she was 26, she also confided in her high school sweetheart, Larry Atler. He became her husband and her rock in the healing process. They still are married.

When she was 40, Van Derbur finally confronted her father.

She said he expressed regret and said he wouldn't have abused her if he had realized the effect it would have on her. She believed him at the time, but later found out that he sexually violated other teenage girls.

Her father died about six years later, in 1984. It wasn't until a year after his death that she told her mother of the abuse.

Her mother didn't believe her,

Then, her eldest sister, Gwen, came forward to say that she also was sexually abused by their father.

Marilyn waited until after her mother's death to publish her book. Much of it deals with how her mother didn't believe that the abuse had happened.

At the Project Harmony event, Van Derbur said she plans to talk about her experience, the long-term effects of sexual child abuse and parent awareness.

“People need to understand how long we are traumatized,” she said. “We need to educate.”

Van Derbur, who spent six years in “grueling therapy,” said that she still has to take medication to fall asleep but that the nightmares are gone and she no longer has nine locks on her doors.

She said she's excited to be in Omaha and even more excited about possibly inspiring others.

“I'm not reaching in anymore,” she said. “I'm reaching out.”

Contact the writer:

444-1336, leia.mendoza@owh.com

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