6:31 p.m.: Well, of course Tiger Woods is coming back at the Masters. It's the perfect place for The Return.

Augusta National is the Shakespearean Theatre of golf, a place where tragedies, triumphs and occasional comedies play out. It's the most famous golf course in the world and hosts the most prestigious tournament. It's the Hollywood set of golf, where the stars come out every year and the course always seems to reward the stars' knowledge of the course. The leader board is always star-studded.

For Tiger, it's the perfect place, too.

The Masters is one of the few places left in sports run by dictatorship. There's no democracy at the Masters. Tiger will no doubt be asked to attend a Tuesday news conference that week, and he will do so, with the understanding that it's “golf questions only.'' The Masters will comply because they want Tiger to be there, and because they don't like controversy. They also like control. An Augusta National member in a green jacket will sit by Tiger at the press conference, which will take place in a small room adjacent to the media center. There's probably room for 75 to 100 writers in there. Most of them will be golf writers or newspaper columnists. Why? Because the Masters controls who gets credentialed. National Enquirer and Entertainment Tonight need not apply.

Anyway, the Green Jacket will control the press conference, and if anyone tries to sway the conversation toward you-know-what, the Green Jacket will detour it back toward golf or the press conference will end.

That doesn't mean TMZ won't be on the scene. Anyone can hang out across the street from Augusta National, along Washington Street, which resembles Dodge Street, with fast food joints and tire stores and strip malls. You can buy a badge from a scalper for $200 to $500. Entertainment reporters will bring plenty of cash. Once they get in, they can follow Tiger around the course, shoot pictures, even try to ask a question or rustle Tiger with a cheap shot. There's two problems here for these guys. One, Tiger will take a few questions about the round outside the scorer's tent at 18 after he's done, then march right through the crowd (with security, no doubt) to an off-limits place inside ropes and then head to the driving range or to the former champions locker room upstairs in the clubhouse, which is off limits to everyone, including media. When he's ready to go home, Tiger can have a car drive up to the clubhouse and be whisked away.

The second problem for the TMZ crowd is that heckling or any sort of unruly behavior isn't tolerated at the Masters. If Tiger gets heckled or bothered by anyone, they will be escorted from the course and likely lose their badge for the week. Another interesting wrinkle: If Augusta National officials corral a Hollywood reporter or European celebrity media type, etc., they will take their badge and find out who sold the badge. I wouldn't want to be that person. He just lost his Masters badge privileges for life.

Then, of course, there's the comfort that Augusta National's familiar fairways and greens will provide Tiger on his first outing back. If he had to pick a course that would give him a chance for success, this is the one.

Tiger wouldn't be provided this type of cocoon at any other tournament or course. That's why it's no surprise this is where he's making his re-entry. Stick around for the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, however. That will be an entirely different story.

« Blog - Tom Shatel

Share