Dickson's Week in Review

Omaha native Brad Dickson reviews this week in sports. Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

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Five of the opening round series in the NBA playoffs lasted six or more games. At this rate, there’s concern the championship series will conflict with the first American landing on Mars.

Wednesday night the Phoenix Suns wore jerseys reading “Los Suns.” Unfortunately, confused Arizona officials rushed the court in the third quarter and had the entire team deported.

The VH1 show “NBA Wives,” featuring the ex-wives of 10 players, is such a hit producers are coming out with a spin-off featuring a dozen ex-wives of CNN host Larry King.

Two fans ran on the field in Philly on consecutive nights. Tuesday, Omaha will be lucky to get that many people into a polling place.

Traffic on Interstate 29 between Omaha and Kansas City has increased 20 percent. Experts say that’s mainly due to all the trips Alex Gordon is making when he’s called up and sent down.

The Omaha Royals are holding a contest to select a new nickname that retains “Omaha” yet reflects the Sarpy County location. How about “Omaha Edge of the Planets”?

Between this and the new UFL team, productivity in the workplace in Omaha is down 50 percent because employees spend the bulk of their time thinking up team nicknames.

The Class AAA Las Vegas 51s are going to pass out Carrot Top bobbleheads which supposedly look very life-like. Which is a surprise, since the actual Carrot Top does not.

Rap star Jay-Z told Ndamukong Suh, “Stay humble and don’t let the money change you.” Then Jay-Z had to rush off to pick up the $800,000 gold-plated toothbrush he had custom made in Borneo.

I have no doubt Suh will stay humble. He comes from a good family and he’s levelheaded — well, forget that, he plays for the Detroit Lions. That’ll keep him humble.

Nobody scored a hole-in-one at the inaugural Bo Pelini Foundation Celebrity Golf Tournament. It’s just as well. Bo would’ve said, “The shot was OK, but there’s a lot of room for improvement.”

At halftime of its spring game, USC coach Lane Kiffin threatened to take the offensive players’ scholarship checks and give them to the fans. That’d be a 180-degree role reversal. USC players handing money to boosters.

Seahawks receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh is recovering from hernia surgery. It’s believed that Houshmandzadeh got the hernia while spelling his name.

A New Orleans Saints staff member is accused in a civil lawsuit of stealing Vicodin from the trainer’s room. It’s strange how they caught him: Bill Belichick got the whole thing on tape.

Tom Rooney, a congressman from Florida and grandson of Steelers founder Art Rooney, called Ben Roethlisberger an idiot. Since Rooney serves in Congress and has experience with Florida politics, he knows an idiot when he sees one.

The Omaha UFL franchise has a name — Nighthawks. That’s the strategy to get Omahans to attend games: Trick people into thinking it’s a hockey team.

The name comes from the Nighthawk stealth fighter plane. Good idea? Naming the team after a plane nobody sees?

Happy Mother’s Day. My mother said “Surprise me,” so I told her Mike Anderson would be back as NU baseball coach in 2011.

During a Sharks-Red Wings game, a San Jose fan threw a small shark onto the ice. There was already an octopus on the ice. It looked like the Long John Silver’s buffet line.

Tiger Woods was seen attending a Nickelback concert. Is there no limit to the punishment doled out by the PGA commissioner?

This weekend more than 1,000 Pella, Iowa, residents are attempting to break the world record for “mass dancing in wooden shoes.” I’m guessing the idea was hatched by the owner of the Pella Wooden Shoe Store.

Friday night the Butler County, Neb., Motorplex featured a vintage car race with coupes and sedans from the 1950s and 1960s. It looked like rush hour in Havana.

A record low turnout is expected for this week’s primary election in Nebraska. I have a solution. In the future, put the polling places outside Memorial Stadium during the Red-White scrimmage.

Grand Island is considering an “odor ordinance” to address complaints of smelly air. A quick check list for anyone attending the state fair: Sunscreen? Check. Bottled water? Check. Nose plugs? Check.

Violations will be determined by an “odor committee.” My concern is this thing is going to be stocked with people who are just in it for the glamour and prestige.

The Lincoln woman accused of biting off a piece of a man’s ear said she thinks squirrels ran off with the ear chunk. You think squirrels are annoying when they get into your garden.

Popular, longtime coordinator of the Cornhusker Trapshoot, Rocky Hoffmann, retired. He was honored with a 13,000 gun salute.

And finally: This year’s Lincoln Marathon ended inside Memorial Stadium. I once ran 26 miles and ended inside Memorial Stadium. I was trying to get from my parking spot to my seat before opening kick-off of a Husker game.

— Dickson, an Omaha native, is a former writer for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”

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