Not-so-great Father's Day gifts

Dad, you’re the greatest. But why won’t you wear the shirt that says so?

Or the polka-dot tie? Or the SpongeBob shorts? Or the “barbecue pit master” apron?

Father’s Day has become a holiday filled with awkward gift-giving scenes in households across the country. Dads smile and pretend to like unpredictable — or sometimes too predictable — presents.

In a recent telephone survey conducted by Wakefield Research on behalf of Western Union, nearly half of the fathers interviewed said their delight over gifts of tools, ties, cologne, books and golf balls is just an act.

So we asked locals to share their Father’s Day gift blunders.

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IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED...

Each year, Jenny Hernandez of Bellevue tries to wow her Dad.

Her efforts usually end up in failure.

Dad Bob has yet to wear a pile of T-shirts with clever sayings or winter hats with ear flaps. He doesn’t use his SpongeBob blanket.

Jenny once gave her dad a navy blue shirt that read: “The cops just pulled me over for carrying these guns!” Above the saying was a stick figure showing his muscles.

“He said he liked it,” said Hernandez, 17. “But he never wore it. It still has the tags on it.”

He did, however, sport a winter hat with a fuzzball on top. But that was in the house, she said, “and he said he lost it after that.”

“I give him a ton of gifts every Father’s Day,” Hernandez said. “I don’t know where they’re at. He shoves them in a drawer.”

He’s collected hunting hats, baseball caps, SpongeBob boxers, shirts and blankets from his five children. He’s also gotten a ton of John Wayne memorabilia, from shirts to movies and a lamp.

“I like his movies,” Bob said. “I’m not in love with the guy.”

“I buy him a lot of shirts with cool things on them,” Hernandez scoffed. “I think they’re cool. I don’t know what he’s thinking.’’

At least Dad gets a good laugh out of them.

“It’d be a lot cooler if he wore them out in public,” Hernandez said. “So he could say ‘Yeah, my daughter gave me this.’”

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STICK WITH WHAT YOU KNOW

Omahan Ric Killebrew got his dad a razor this year. It was free.

But, hey, “in the store it sells for $9,” said Killebrew, 30.

He filled out a survey to get the free blade and had it mailed to Dad in Newport News, Va., Killebrew’s hometown.

“I’ve been affected by this recession and had to penny pinch,” he joked. “Actually, I thought it would be something useful.”

In the past, he’s bought his father, Richard, a tie, clothes and glass sets. But they’ve collected dust.

“My mother bought him cologne,” he said. “I don’t care too much for the way it smells.”

Neither does Dad. So Killebrew sticks to stuff he knows Dad will use.

A wallet. A beer mug. Or the razor that’s on its way.

“I think Father’s Day is an important day,” Killebrew said. “You’ve got an individual who raised (in some cases) more than one child for ‘x’ amount of years. They don’t hand you a bill for what they’ve done. So it’s nice to send them a card, a drawing or buy them a gift when you can.”

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USE CREATIVE SOLUTIONS

Omahan Alicia Peters loves gift-giving. She adores the smiles she generates.

Money has never been an object — really. When Peters was a kid, she learned how to give gifts without it.

“I would wrap up things they already had,” she laughed.

One year, she regifted her father Roger’s good watch for his Father’s Day present. In her mind, it was the best gift ever.

“It didn’t work out so well when he needed his watch to go to an event with my mom,” she said. “He was looking everywhere for it.”

Peters had to confess that his watch was already boxed and wrapped up nicely for the daddy day.

“Let’s just say he graciously accepted his Father’s Day gift a little early — along with a good chuckle,” she said.

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IT’S THE THOUGHT

When she was a kid, Angela Bohling of Lincoln gave her dad, Ron, ties each Father’s Day. A nice gift, but there was a problem.

He didn’t wear ties. He didn’t need one for work. He didn’t go to fancy dinners. In fact, he rarely went anywhere that would require a tie.

“I somehow got in my mind that giving ties to your dad is just the thing you did,” she said.

Bohling was 8 when she picked out a horrible green and yellow tie. She thought it was perfect.

She gave him a handful of other ties before she finally caught on to his distaste for neckwear.

Dad took it in stride, though.

“Most of them ended up in our ‘pretend’ clothes,” she said.

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ADD SOME COLOR

Omahan Lora Ullerich’s favorite color is purple. A couple of years ago, she gave her dad, Dean, a purple-striped polo.

“He seemed happy to have it, but I noticed that he never wore it,” she said. “I was in his closet and saw it hanging there and asked my mom why he never wears it.”

Mom’s response: Oh, he wears it. (Wink, wink.) The next time Ullerich saw her dad, he had the shirt on.

Never mind that, Ullerich said. She’s done giving him purple shirts. She changed her color scheme — red, blue, white — and he wears them all.

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GO FOR THE GIFT CARD

Omahan Anita Ybarra loves her daddy, Tim. He’s a simple guy.

“My dad prefers that we get him a gift card,” she said.

This saves time and hurt feelings when Dad has to play the “I love your gift” role and later ask for the receipt.

“If my dad already knows what he wants, he’ll purchase his gift ahead of time and we’ll just give him cash to reduce his credit card bill,” Ybarra said. “My dad does not buy anything cheap.”

She knows. She’s helped pay the bill.

“At the end of the day, my dad’s only request is a good home-cooked meal and a day with the family,” she chuckled.

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NOT TERRIBLY USEFUL

Omahan Doug Smith and his seven siblings teamed up for a gift they were sure would be a hit.

“(We) got my dad a Match-o-Matic one year, circa 1960,” he said. “It was something we had seen on TV for dads to light grills.”

It was a very good replica of a handgun, quite heavy, with chrome plating and simulated wood inserts, he said.

The kids were thrilled. Dad was amazed. The gift was a bit unnecessary.

“You had to put in batteries and fill it with butane,” Smith explained. “A lot of work to replace my dad’s tried-and-true charcoal starter — gasoline and a match thrown from a respectful 6 or 8 feet away.”

Smith thought it was cool nonetheless. He wanted to add it to his collection of nifty cigarette lighters.

“But it is way too realistic,” he said. “It has the look and balance of a Ruger MK I (a rimfire semiautomatic pistol). When it has batteries in it, it actually weighs a little more than a real loaded gun.”

Now that’s scary.

Contact the writer: 444-1075, j.loza@owh.com

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