>> Listen without judging. Often, an abused woman believes her abuser’s negative messages about her. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid you will judge her.
>> Tell her the abuse is not her fault. Explain that physical violence in a relationship never is acceptable. There’s no excuse for it — not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, jealousy or any behavior of hers.
>> Make sure she knows she is not alone. Millions of women face abuse, and many women find it extremely difficult to deal with it. Emphasize that when she wants help, it is available. Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse and become more frequent with time, and that it rarely goes away on its own.
>> Eliminate isolation by letting her know that she can talk to you when she feels lonely.
>> Explain that relationship abuse is a crime and that there are resources. She can seek protection from the police or courts, and help from a local domestic violence program.
>> Suggest she develop a safety plan in case of emergency. It’s a good idea for people seeking to escape an abusive relationship to keep money, important documents, a change of clothes and an extra set of keys in a safe place, such as at a friend or neighbor’s house.
>> Empower her to make her own decisions. She has been stripped of power in her relationship, so it is important to validate her feelings and let her make her own choices.
>> Integrate her expertise and knowledge about her situation. She knows how her partner will react better than anyone else.
>> If you want to talk with someone yourself to get advice about a particular situation, contact a local domestic violence program/hot line.
Source: Family Violence Prevention Fund, www.endabuse.org
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