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When Larry Ebberson and Mary Grayer were around her family, Grayer's daughter-in-law said, the couple would laugh and have fun.
“They had their good times,” Lakisha Grayer said Friday.
They also had their bad times.
Family members and neighbors said the two had loud arguments. In 2008, Ebberson was convicted of assaulting Mary Grayer. They got back together after that, but the relationship remained volatile.
Grayer would leave for a few days. He would call and apologize and promise to change. She would return.
On July 23, after an argument, Lakisha Grayer said, Mary Grayer left a message on a relative's phone, saying: “Somebody please come and get me. If I go back to this house, he's gonna kill me.”
The relatives didn't hear the message until after Mary Grayer was found, badly beaten, in a neighbor's yard near 37th and Sprague Streets.
Today, Mary Grayer, 53, is dead and Ebberson, 52, is jailed on $1 million bail, charged with first-degree murder in connection with her death.
Domestic violence experts say some people wonder why victims don't make a clean break in abuse cases.
“It's important we start to turn that question upside down,” said Lynn Pollitt, client services director for the Omaha YWCA. “Instead of, ‘Why don't they leave?' ask, ‘Why does the other person abuse?'”
Abuse victims might stay for many reasons, Pollitt said. Those could include “finances, it could be because of the children, it could be because of religious mores ... they have a family situation, or they're afraid that if they did leave, they would be more in harm's way. Also, because they care about that person a great deal.”
If someone suspects that a friend, neighbor or relative is being abused, they simply can ask if the person is OK or needs some help, said Karen Hadley, executive director of the Domestic Violence Coordinating Council in Douglas County.
It may be difficult for a person in that situation to admit it, she said. “They're very ashamed and very embarrassed that they are at this point in a relationship,” she said.
Ask what she needs, Hadley said. Ask what you can do to help her.
People also can call the YWCA for help. The 24-hour hot line number is 402-345-7273. They also can call the YWCA office at 402-345-6555 and ask to speak to an advocate. (For those outside of Omaha, the National Domestic Violence Hot line number is 1-800-799-7233.)
Finally, people can visit www.ywcaomaha.org or the Domestic Violence Coordinating Council's website at www.completehelp.org.
Contact the writer:
444-1109, bob.glissmann@owh.com
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