Omaha native Brad Dickson reviews this week in sports. Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”
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Kansas has rewritten its school fight song to mention NU and Colorado leaving the Big 12. Considering the current stability of the Big 12, I wouldn't etch the new lyrics in concrete just yet. The original KU fight song was written by 1912 Kansas graduate George “Dumpy” Bowles. Maybe Nebraska should rewrite its fight song to mention that the KU fight song was written by a guy named “Dumpy.”
After football practice, NU trainers have been giving players pickles for medicinal purposes. This was recommended by the Huskers' new head trainer, Dr. Bombay from “Bewitched.”
That has to be tough on the players. “We won't have a Blackshirt anytime soon for you, son, but there's a nice, juicy pickle in your locker.”
The 1970 Nebraska national championship team was reunited on a radio show. It's bad enough Husker fans can't decide who deserves to start at QB — Zac Lee, Cody Green or Taylor Martinez. Now they're arguing anew over Jerry Tagge-Van Brownson.
USC fullback Stanley Havili returned to practice after being suspended one day for fighting. One day. To his surprise, when he got back Lane Kiffin was still at USC.
Denver Broncos veterans embarrassed rookie Tim Tebow by giving him an awful haircut. After looking in the mirror Tebow uttered a four-letter expletive — “Dang.”
Hazing is out of control this year. The Cowboys make rookies carry pads off the field. The Broncos and Jaguars give players bad haircuts; and the most humiliating of all are the St. Louis Rams. To embarrass rookies, they plan to play them in games.
At the White House, New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees filmed a public service announcement urging kids to exercise 60 minutes per day. Then Albert Haynesworth gave a rebuttal.
BP supposedly has things under control in the Gulf. Now comes the next big challenge: getting a containment cap over Rex Ryan before the season starts.
Ryan is writing his autobiography. The working title is “@$%&* #$^& @*%#$: $&^% @%*&%!.”
A Detroit Lions fan is showing his commitment to the team by walking 425 miles. I once walked 400 miles to show my support for Nebraska football, but now I get to the games early to find a decent parking place.
The Houston Texans claim linebacker Brian Cushing failed a test for performance enhancers due to “overtrained athlete syndrome.” Legal experts are calling this the worst alibi involving a former USC athlete since the O.J. trial.
Seahawks defensive lineman Quinn Pitcock is back in the NFL after a two-year absence because he was addicted to video games. A reporter asked Pitcock if he thought the Seahawks could win the big one and Pitcock said, “Madden 11?”
The Cincinnati Bengals' roster includes Chad Ochocinco, Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones and Tank Johnson. Sometime in early September on a team flight I look for the Bengals coach to grab two beers, slide down the emergency chute and disappear into the night.
The New Jersey Nets and Toronto Raptors will play two games in London next season. The goal: improve the NBA's popularity in Europe. I think sending the Nets and Raptors to London will improve the NBA's popularity in the U.S.
Charles Barkley called the three stars on the Miami Heat “punks” and implied LeBron isn't a good role model. Then Barkley had to rush off to defend his title in “Naked Beer Chug-a-palooza 2010.”
Hours before “Japanese Heritage Night,” the Mariners fired Don Wakamatsu, MLB's first Japanese-American manager. They know how to ruin a good time. Next week on Kids' Day Mariners' management plans to hang Shrek by his toes from the flagpole.
Anyone who buys a car from a Florence, Ky., dealership gets to have dinner with Pete Rose. The best part about dinner with Rose is when he slides headfirst into the salad bar.
The Omaha Royals held “Star Wars” Night. I heard the Royals were paying tribute to “A galaxy, far, far away” and assumed they meant Sarpy County.
The Cincinnati Reds and St. Louis Cardinals got into a huge brawl. There was so much shouting and tussling it looked like one of Mayor Suttle's budget forums.
According to a poll of 400 registered voters conducted by the Omaha Landlord Association, the majority of folks in Omaha are disgruntled. Mayor Suttle immediately proposed his new “tax on disgruntled Omahans.”
Two hundred and fifty Nebraska prison inmates received bonuses at their prison jobs. That doesn't bother me so much as the two-week paid vacation trips.
The heat index reached 120 degrees in Omaha last week. The city opened fire hydrants for kids to run through, which created a danger of pothole flooding.
And finally: You know what you call it when the heat index reaches 120 in the Rosenblatt Stadium grandstand? “Cooling trend.”
— Dickson, an Omaha native, is a former writer for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”
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