Dickson's Week in Review

Omaha native Brad Dickson reviews this week in sports. Dickson is a former writer for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

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The Huskers' first three football games begin at 6 p.m., 11:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. That's why the nonconference schedule is important — to allow the team to get into a rhythm.

Western Kentucky was 0-12 last season. It was not the first choice of Nebraska schedule makers, but a 0-13 team couldn't be located.

With all the realignment madness, Nebraska had better hope the Sun Belt Conference never goes away or the Huskers will have to cancel their nonconference schedule.

At the last second on Saturday, Bo Pelini jettisoned plans to place a paper bag over the starter's head and call him “The Unknown Quarterback.”

On Tuesday night, President Obama addressed the nation. On Wednesday night, the Big Ten divisions were announced. Of course, one of these is a matter of national importance with historical significance. Then there's Obama's speech.

In 2011 Nebraska opens league play at Wisconsin, followed by a game with Ohio State, and ends with Penn State, Michigan and Iowa ... are there any openings in the Big Sky Conference?

According to a World-Herald article, Tom Osborne, Harvey Perlman and Jim Delany met in May at a secret location where there wasn't a soul around. I can now divulge that location — the 40-yard line during the Baylor spring football game.

Osborne and Perlman drove in separate cars to meet with Delany. Everything was super covert. Unfortunately Perlman gave himself away with the nine “I LUV THE BCS” bumper stickers on his Lexus.

Lee Corso predicts that Nebraska and Florida will play in the BCS title game. I'd feel better if that prediction was made by someone whose method was more scientific, like Paul the Psychic Octopus.

Kansas coach Turner Gill named Kale Pick as his starting quarterback. For the job, Pick beat out Guy Interception and Steve Fumble.

In the past month, a Missouri assistant football coach, a linebacker and a deep snapper have all been arrested for DWI. The other day, a fight broke out at practice. Half the guys were shouting “Tastes better!” and the other half “Less filling!”

USC opened the season with a 49-36 win at Hawaii. As with all USC victories, it won't be official until 2016, when we'll know if the NCAA overturns it.

Hawaii rolled up 588 total yards. Hawaii played so well that at halftime, Lane Kiffin stuck his head in the Warriors' locker room to ask if they needed a coach.

UNO opened the season Saturday night. At least I think it was a night game. Maybe the new scoreboard just blocked out the sun.

I wouldn't say the new UNO scoreboard is big, but they're thinking about putting one of those revolving restaurants on top of it.

If he makes the Nighthawks, Maurice Clarett will fit in in Omaha. After taxes, he'll be working for 11 cents an hour, just like in prison.

If Cincinnati's Chad Ochocinco scores a TD in the first game against New England, he plans to fire a rifle into the air. One group is protesting this. I believe the group is called “Goodyear Blimp Crew Members.”

In Detroit's exhibition game with Cleveland, the Lions' Ndamukong Suh “nearly decapitated” quarterback Jake Delhomme. Not to worry. If Delhomme had lost his head, he'd be qualified to join the Fox NFL pregame show as an analyst.

Plaxico Burress lost his bid for work release from prison, so it sounds as if the Omaha Nighthawks will be short one wide receiver.

In Tampa, Fla., a 21-year-old guy was busted for posing as a 13-year-old so he could play pee wee football. In order to fool people, he had to act as immature as a 13-year-old. That's something only 85 percent of 21-year-old guys pull off on a daily basis.

Manny Ramirez recently joined the Chicago White Sox. Between Manny and Rod Blagojevich, you know Chicago's new nickname? City of Big Hair.

Cincinnati Reds rookie pitcher Aroldis Chapman can throw 105 miles per hour. That's faster than Dale Earnhardt Jr. can drive.

Japan beat Hawaii to win the Little League World Series. To get to the championship game, Japan eliminated Taiwan. The players had a tough time defeating Taiwan because in Japanese culture, you're taught to revere the elderly.

The announced attendance for the Royals' final game at Rosenblatt was 23,795, which means there were almost 4,000 people in the stands.

Actually, the crowd was huge. There was one scary incident when seven people trying to navigate the crowded concourse became stuck together and had to be freed by the Jaws of Life.

Home plate is going to Cooperstown. Not only that, a reasonably priced Rosenblatt concession item is headed to Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum.

Eighteen-year-old American tennis sensation Beatrice Capra made a name for herself at the U.S. Open. She's said to have a killer instinct. Of course she does. She's an 18-year-old named Beatrice.

In southern California, a golfer hit a rock on his back swing and a resulting spark caused a 12-acre brush fire that took 150 firemen to put out. He's a typical guy. When he got home his wife asked, “How was your round?” “Oh, fine.”

On TV I thought I was watching the winner of The Barclays golf tournament being presented with his giant 8-by-6 foot check. Turns out it was an Omahan paying his property tax bill.

One Omahan was on the news railing about how he cannot afford the city's new taxes. It was Warren Buffett.

According to a poll of 400 likely Omaha voters, 67 percent disapproved of the way Mayor Suttle is handling his job. To put that in perspective, recalled eggs have a disapproval rating of only 66 percent.

Drake University's new logo is a “D+.” Second choice was a kid in a dunce cap face down in a beer keg.

And finally: In China, 10,276 people broke the world record for Biggest Human Domino Chain. In a sign of the times, the record was disallowed after 9,843 of them tested positive for performance enhancers.

— Dickson, an Omaha native, is a former writer for “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.”

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