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It has been a while since I last reported on the activities of the Dull Men’s Club. I blame this on the fact that I wasn’t all that interested.
It turns out that the Dull Men’s Club (dedicated to the cause of safe excitement) has been quite busy. In a dull way, of course.
The Dull Men’s Club has millions of members, thanks to free publicity provided by people like me. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of that number because, quite frankly, research makes my head spin.
But rest assured, there is no shortage of applicants. The Dull Men’s Club knows this because it keeps a list. Dull men adore lists. They check their work with pocket calculators, the dull man’s favorite power tool.
The Dull Men’s Club has its own web page. Its address is www. dullmensclub.com. It could be the dullest website ever created. Viewing it is akin to taking a blow from a sledgehammer right between the eyes. Thousands of dull men visit the website every day. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of that number, either. (See above.)
Dull men love computers. You probably already knew that. One of their favorite things to do on a computer is download anti-virus software. The larger the program, the better.
The deletion of temporary files also is considered great sport, though those dull men with heart conditions are advised to check with their doctor before proceeding.
The dull man’s favorite month is October. That is the month the leaves begin to fall. Dull men can watch leaves fall for hours. Some bring a box of Kleenex in case they become emotional.
Dull men who live in the Southern Hemisphere have to wait until, oh, I don’t know … let’s say April, before the leaves begin to fall. They pass the time by watching the grass grow, which is not a bad substitute.
Contrary to popular belief, dull men do not amuse themselves by watching paint dry. They much prefer watching grapes turn into raisins.
Contrary to popular belief, dull men are not (all) homebodies. They like to get out and experience the world around them. A favorite pastime is observing airport luggage carousels.
Depending on which airport you visit, the carousels rotate in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction.
This was something I did not know, but I will pay closer attention in the future.
Dull men also are interested in history. Some of their favorite field trips are to the Canoe Museum, the Apron Museum and the Safety Razor Museum. If the museum has a snack bar (and dull men, as a rule, try to avoid museums that do), the preferred order is a small dish of vanilla ice cream. Bottled water is also acceptable.
I could tell you more about the Dull Men’s Club, but it’s getting late, and I want to watch the channel listings scroll up on TV.
Besides, too much information can cause dangerous overstimulation of the brain, something to be avoided at all costs.
Contact the writer: dvd.grimes@yahoo.com
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