Dear Annie: I am a college freshman. My sister, "Katie," is a sophomore in high school. I am on good terms with many of her friends. One, "Jessie," is a bit wild.
In November, Jessie messaged me on Facebook. She said she had transferred to a private school because the public school "wasn't good for rebels." She told me she drank and attended crazy parties. She said she often does her homework "while hammered."
I mentioned the conversation to Katie. She believes if I send this to Jessie's parents, it will cause a huge rift between our families. She thinks I should send it to Jessie's school because they are the only ones who can effect any change. Should I send this to her school?
Confused College Student
Dear Student: You have no idea whether Jessie is telling the truth or simply trying to shock you. The message could even be a cry for help, in the hope that someone will care enough to be upset with her. Her parents are already aware of her problems, and we doubt the school is oblivious.
On your next trip home, it would be a kindness to drop by and talk to Jessie's parents. You also can suggest to Jessie that she talk to the school counselor. But beyond that, we caution you to stay out of it.
Dear Annie: My fiance, "Steve," has a rocky relationship with his sister, "Sara." We are planning to marry next year in Georgia.
The problem is, Steve doesn't want Sara to be a bridesmaid, because he thinks she will create drama. But she is going to be my sister-in-law, and I'd like her to be one of my bridesmaids. I hope to build a close relationship with her.
Since she will have to travel to Georgia to attend the wedding anyway, I cannot imagine not asking her to be in the bridal party. Steve has promised to abide by your advice.
New York
Dear New York: We think you should give Sara the opportunity to do the right thing. It could be a good way for her to make amends for past hurts and be closer to her brother. Everyone deserves a second chance. If she becomes difficult or problematic while you are making wedding plans, it is OK to tell her you think she might prefer to attend the wedding as a guest.
Contact the writer:
anniesmailbox@comcast.net
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