Breaking Brad: Friday, Feb. 3

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Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* TGIF. Which to Newt Gingrich stands for "Thank goodness it's not Florida."

* The jobs report on Friday greatly exceeded expectations, with thousands of jobs created. Unfortunately, two-thirds of the new jobs are for bedbug-sniffing dogs on the UNL campus.

* Two feet of snow could fall on parts of Colorado on Friday. After hearing this, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers leapt into action to figure out a way to make all the melting snow drain into downtown Omaha.

* So much snow is expected along the Interstate 80 corridor in Nebraska that marijuana couriers are going to be traversing the state by dog sled.

* A new popular Super Bowl party treat: chicken wing cupcakes. Paula Deen said, "You'd have to be crazy to eat that." http://owedit.ow.atl.publicus.com/apps/pbcsedit.dll/red#

* There's a new study to determine the feasibility of a streetcar system in Omaha. I wouldn't say this has been ongoing on for some time, but the first study called for routing the streetcars around the stockyards.

* Nebraska State Sen. Heath Mello, from Omaha, has proposed only buying American-made steel for in-state road improvements and maintenance. So that's something to think about before Omaha does its next scheduled road maintenance in 2038.

* Omaha is on Winter Storm Watch! Wait, I did that wrong. According to the TV news, it's Winter Storm Watch!! with two exclamation points.

* Based on how this works, that means we could be expecting over 1/16th of an inch of precipitation.

* Omaha could receive up to 1 foot of snow this weekend. If it happens, that would mean the groundhog predicting six weeks of winter on Thursday was the first accurate forecast all winter.

* Colorado is getting walloped by the blizzard. So much is falling that Colorado football fans should have enough snowballs to throw at opponents through he first four home games next season.

* Friday kicks off Beer Week in Omaha. I think it sums up the importance of the beverage when we have one day in February to honor our presidents and seven days devoted to Budweiser.

* A new labor report was out Friday. The Super Bowl couldn't come at a better time. The sideline reporters will prove to unemployed Americans that you don't need any skill to land a high-paying job.

* Hotels in Indianapolis are charging up to 1,700 percent more during the Super Bowl. Or, as hotels in Omaha call a 1,700 percent markup during the College World Series, "the super saver discount."

* Americans are expected to consume 1.25 billion chicken wings on Super Bowl Sunday. Yet we have no way of calculating what the national deficit will be next year.

* Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, meaning six more weeks of winter. According to USA Today, the groundhog's prediction is "largely ceremonial." Are we so dumb as a society that we need to be told this?

* Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney and Romney then praised Trump "for his ability to jump on the bandwagon and pick an obvious winner." No, just joking, Romney praised Trump for "his ability to understand how to create jobs."

* I question Trump's motivation. He said, "Romney would make an excellent president. Speaking of excellent, don't miss the premiere of the new season of "Celebrity Apprentice" on Sept 9, starting at 9 p.m., 8 Central Time."

* Scientists have identified the shortest unit of time ever measured. It's the length of time between when Romney utters "I'm not concerned about the very poor" and the Democrats feature it in a campaign ad.

* Mitt Romney told a CNN reporter, "I'm not concerned about the very poor." Here's the worst thing: By "very poor," Romney meant people who own small yachts.

* Newt Gingrich and Nancy Pelosi are embroiled in a feud. Considering how long these two hold a grudge, this should blow over in 750 years.

* Gingrich is reportedly threatening to leave the Republican Party. After hearing this, Republican leaders flew to Gingrich's side with some lovely parting gifts.

* Gingrich is campaigning in Las Vegas, the city of quickie divorces and drive-through wedding chapels. By Saturday's Nevada caucus, he may have been married twice more.

* After Nevada, it's on to Minnesota, where anyone has a chance to win. If you don't believe that ask Sen. Al Franken or former Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

* "American Idol" has issued a formal invitation to President Obama to sing on the show. I say, why stop there? The country is $15 trillion in debt. While Obama is competing on "American Idol," let's bring in Taylor Hicks to run the country for a month.

* President Obama is going to accept the Democratic nomination at Bank of America Stadium in North Carolina. The only way Obama's economic plan looks good is to compare it to Bank of America's.

* As a result of the Facebook IPO, the graffiti artist who painted the mural at Facebook headquarters in exchange for company stock is now worth $200 million. This may be the worst advertisement to stay in school ever.

* A Southern California nuclear plant sprang a "minor leak." The good news is that leaking radiation will actually improve the quality of the Southern California air.

* In Deadwood, S.D., a turkey broke into the town library. When librarians arrived the next morning, the turkey was reading the book "How To Tone Your Neck."

* In an interview, Pat Sajak admitted that he's hosted "Wheel of Fortune" while drunk. If you've seen "Wheel," you know it's theoretically possible to host the show while you're in a coma.

* Golfer Bubba Watson placed the winning bid of $110,000 for the General Lee car from "The Dukes of Hazzard." Ironically, the last 14 guys he was bidding against were also named Bubba.

* Organizers of the Summer Olympics in London adopted a policy of charging mothers who bring infants to events full price for the children. Unless it's the women's gymnastics competition, in which case the infants get in free because they are competing.

* A man placed an ad of Craigslist offering $500 for someone who can teach him the basics of football so he won't embarrass himself on Super Bowl Sunday. Talk about embarrassing - the man's name was just made public. It's Tony Kornheiser.

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