Premium ContentMouse over Home then click on Premium Content for information.Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
* * * * * * * * * *
* The Nebraska Legislature is simultaneously considering proposals to increase members' pay and to extend term limits for legislators. It's nice to see our legislature looking out for average Nebraskans, and by "average Nebraskans" I mean people who serve in the legislature.
* Rick Santorum was rubbing it in after his surprise victory over Mitt Romney in Colorado. Every time another county would come back for Santorum, he had Ralphie run around election headquarters.
* One Super Bowl expert sure was tough on the New England Patriots, criticizing players left and right. But enough about Gisele Bundchen.
* It's out of control. Today, Gisele called a press conference to say Bill Belichick's hoodie is "dated."
* Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman compared UNL to a special interest group, with its hand out for tax dollars. UNL officials denied the charge, then asked for a referendum to raise property taxes to pay for Spots, the bedbug-sniffing dog.
* Bob Kerrey said he's not running for Senate in Nebraska. Kerrey's neighbors are relieved. Now maybe he'll stop referring to Greenwich Village as "Little Huskerville."
* The Westside school district picked a Wisconsin educator as its new superintendent. Because he's from out of state, the new superintendent may not realize that not only is he responsible for test scores, but those scores determine real estate prices.
* A Lincoln man was jailed after attacking a neighbor who complained he was shoveling snow onto the neighbor's car. The car was a Mini Cooper and there was so much snow that it won't be seen again until April.
* Tuesday was election day in Minnesota. Or, as Newt Gingrich calls it, "the land of 10 votes."
* You've heard of Super Tuesday. For Mitt Romney, we just had Terrible Tuesday.
* In a big upset, Rick Santorum won Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. Santorum did so well in Minnesota that in a symbolic show of support, today the entire state was covered with an enormous sweater vest.
* Santorum won Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado. In political circles, this is known as the "far right hat trick."
* It was a big embarrassment for Romney, who is huddling with his loved ones - Swiss bankers.
* Tuesday's Missouri primary was strictly for bragging rights and is completely meaningless. It's the Belk Bowl of elections.
* Michelle Obama did push-ups on the "Ellen DeGeneres Show." The brinkmanship has already begun. Immediately afterward, Republicans sent Ann Romney and Karen Santorum into the street to do one more push-up than Obama.
* Is it important to see Michelle Obama do push-ups? I'd prefer to see Chris Christie doing sit-ups.
* Obama did something like 20 push-ups on the show. This is when you know the administration is desperate for accomplishments going into the election.
* Obama could only do 20 push-ups. However, had a donor pledged $100 to the Obama campaign per push-up, she's pretty sure she could have done about 300.
* Donald Trump is taking credit for Mitt Romney's win in the Nevada caucuses. Only Donald Trump has the chutzpah to look at an easy Romney win in a state with a huge Mormon population and say, "That's due to my influence."
* Romney has just qualified for Secret Service protection. On the first day, an alert agent guarding Romney wrestled an approaching IRS auditor to the ground.
* Eight TSA screeners at the Newark, N.J., airport were caught sleeping on the job. So this is the real reason passengers have to remove their shoes at airport checkpoints: so we don't wake security screeners.
* Earlier, air-traffic controllers were caught sleeping on the job. The situation is out of control. I stuck my head in a cockpit and saw the automatic pilot stretched out of a hammock.
* It has to be unnerving when you're passing through airport security and hear snoring.
* Fidel Castro has completed a 1,000-page memoir. That's half as long as The World-Herald sports section on college football signing day.
* A new travel service in New York is offering "unknown destination" packages - you buy a ticket and have no idea where you're going to end up. This is nothing new. Metro Transit has featured this for years.
* The National Weather Service has updated the system used to make forecasts. This involved replacing the hamster that runs on the wheel that knocks the ball onto the board that kicks open the Ouija board.
* A woman in Des Moines gave birth to a baby who weighs nearly 13 pounds.To put this in perspective, she basically just gave birth to the Nebraska-Iowa football trophy.
In the delivery room were her husband and Urban Meyer, who immediately signed the baby to a letter of intent.
* It looks like the performer M.I.A. will be banned from Super Bowl halftime shows after making an obscene gesture. The good news: She has a standing invitation to join the Wisconsin student section at all future home football games.
* NBC apologized for the obscene gesture. Good start, NBC. Now how about apologizing for your fall lineup?
* An Auburn football recruit chose the school over Clemson because of the on-campus Chick-fil-A. Picture that recruiting visit. "You wanna meet the players? Visit the library?" "Nope. Take me to the chicken."
* Prince Fielder agreed to a $214 million deal with the Tigers. Putting this much money in Prince Fielder's hands should mean Hostess will be emerging from bankruptcy sooner than anyone imagined.
Copyright ©2012 Omaha World-Herald®. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, displayed or redistributed for any purpose without permission from the Omaha World-Herald.
