Dear Annie: After eight years at my job, I was let go. I have a felony record. The CEO who knew of my background retired last year. He felt I had proved myself and had no problem with me. When he retired, we got an interim CEO. I told him about my record as soon as he came on board. Today, he decided our company would have a zero-tolerance policy for any criminal records, so I was fired.
Annie, I voluntarily told my supervisors of my conviction. I worked hard to show that I had overcome my record. Was this a fair thing for the temporary CEO to do? Shouldn't I have been "grandfathered" in? I was told if I kept to the straight and narrow, I would be fine. I have not done one thing out of line and don't plan to. My conviction was more than eight years ago. But apparently, my honesty didn't pay off. No one forgives. No one believes me. I am devastated. What can I do?
Think I'm a Good Person
Dear Good Person: If a company fires you because of your race, sexual preference, gender or religion, you would be able to sue them for wrongful termination. If the zero-tolerance policy was implemented solely to skirt around one of the reasons listed above, you might have a case. Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be much recourse, although you could consult an attorney. Please know that your eight-year record as an exemplary employee should help you land another job at a more tolerant company. Also contact the Safer Foundation (saferfoundation.org) for suggestions and assistance.
Dear Annie: My longtime boyfriend and I recently married. My entire family was there. They adore my husband. But not a single member of his family attended our little church wedding.
The morning of our wedding, one of his sisters texted my fiance and asked whether it was "done yet." When I made a comment on my Facebook page about how amazing my new husband is, this same sister rudely commented, "Enough already."
My boyfriend finally told me that this sister thought we should marry in a Catholic church, despite the fact that I am not Catholic and both of us attend a non-Catholic church. I believe this is why his family didn't recognize our special day. I am really hurt. Should I say something or simply ignore this?
Biting My Tongue in Colorado
Dear Colorado: Your husband should have told you about his family's religious objections before you married. An intermarriage is hardly a trivial matter, and if you have been with this man for a long time, we are surprised you were not aware of the issue. If his family is otherwise accepting, we would let this go. We also suggest you discuss the problem with your clergyperson and ask for guidance.
Dear Annie: I am 15 and very overweight. I've been this way since I was little. I've tried losing weight, but can never seem to keep it off for long.
What bothers me most is the intolerance at school. I hear the fat jokes and the whispers. I'd love to have a boyfriend, but the guys in my class only like the skinny girls. This has destroyed what little self-confidence I had.
I don't understand why people can't accept all body types. Nowadays you have to be thin to be considered pretty. I want to feel pretty, too, and know that people can like me as I am. Why can't these attitudes be changed?
Confused in Connecticut
Dear Confused: That's an excellent question. Attitudes like these are culturally entrenched and reinforced by media images. Fat jokes and nasty whispers are a form of bullying and should be reported to the school authorities. But instead of focusing on romance, simply work on being a good friend. Friends will see you through the rough spots.
But we also are worried about you. Extra weight can cause all kinds of physical problems. Please talk to your parents and have them make an appointment for you to see your doctor and a nutritionist. Get some exercise. Work on being healthy, regardless of your size.
Dear Annie: I am a woman who doesn't care much for babies. What do I say to those who expect me to hold their infant? Some people actually thrust their little bundle into my arms without even asking.
I have never had any desire to have children, and I don't see what the appeal is. Babies are messy, leaky, smelly and noisy, as well as demanding and expensive. I understand that not all women feel as I do, so when I'm around mothers, I say nice things about their kids and have positive comments when shown pictures.
However, these same parents are shocked to learn that I am not as thrilled with their little darlings as they are. Is there a nice way to say, "I think your baby is sweet, but I feel more comfortable when the little tyke is on someone else's lap"?
Not a Mommy
Dear Not: No matter how nice you are, some people will be offended that you don't admire their child as much as they do. If they ask you to hold the baby, reply with alarm, "Oh, no, I couldn't possibly. I'm afraid I would drop it." If they push the baby toward you, put your hands up and back away. You are under no obligation to participate in this ritual, and if others can't understand your attitude, so be it.
Contact the writer:
anniesmailbox@comcast.net
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