Premium ContentMouse over Home then click on Premium Content for information.Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
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* A teacher at Omaha's Mercy High School named Brooks Humphreys won $13,700 in the first round of the Teachers Tournament on "Jeopardy!" Sounds like we've finally come up with a way to pay teachers the money they deserve - put 'em on game shows and let them try and win it.
* The Teachers Tournament would serve as an inspiration to students around the country if they weren't all watching the winter edition of "Wipeout."
* The bedbug-detecting skills of the dog hired by UNL have been called into question by a bedbug expert. Forget the qualities of the dog for a second. How'd you like to go through life with the title "bedbug expert"?
* Friday morning, MUD was hurrying to fix another water main break, this one at 49th and Q Streets. Instead of looking into streetcars to speed up the morning commute, I'm thinking we should go with canoes.
* A.J. Spiker has been elected chairman of the Iowa Republican Party. The position is similar to being the Republican nominee for president, only slightly more powerful.
* At least we think Spiker was elected chairman. As with all Republican votes in Iowa, we have to wait three months to see if any missing votes are located.
* Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman may soon be experiencing pain in his lower back. That's if Ernie Chambers is re-elected to the Legislature.
* The vice president of China, Xi Jinping, visited the U.S. Congress. After meeting with representatives for 2 minutes, he said he now understands why capitalism doesn't work.
* It's appropriate that the payroll tax cut passed just before President's Day. Congress began debating the issue during the Washington administration and hit a snag while Lincoln was in office.
* On Thursday, Donald Trump pulled out a phone, and he and Mitt Romney made fundraising calls together. Some of the recipients didn't believe they were talking to Romney and Trump, so Romney changed his position on a couple of issues and Trump spoke of himself in the third person. "It really is you guys!"
* You can tell campaign season is in full gear. On Wednesday, President Obama gave a speech in Wisconsin. He was wearing a cheesehead.
* According to a report, Obama's fundraising efforts are going to increase in intensity. This is when Obama hangs from a helicopter speeding over crowds with his palms out.
* Rick Santorum released four years of tax returns. A quick refresher on how American politics works: The candidates whose returns are the least relevant always release the most info.
* Actually, with all the children he has, I'm guessing Santorum received a refund in the millions.
* According to his tax records, Rick Santorum earned $3.6 million over four years. That's Auburn quarterback money.
* According to a poll, Santorum is leading Romney in Romney's "home state" of Michigan. Not to worry. Romney has seven or eight other home states that he can still win.
* The bighorn sheep that arrived in Nebraska from Canada were first lured in with food, then corralled and herded together in a massive group. Sound familiar? It's also the Southwest Airlines boarding policy.
* On Thursday morning, a Chautauqua/Frontier Airlines flight from Omaha to Milwaukee was delayed after it was reported the pilot may be intoxicated. If you're scared of flying, the last thing you want to see is your pilot touching his finger to his nose.
* The pilot was replaced and the flight took off two hours late. Frontier thus became the first airline with a designated driver program.
* Police were alerted to the intoxicated pilot by an airport shuttle bus driver. How about a key to the city for this driver?
* The pilot was escorted away by four police officers. Some news outlets reported he was strip-searched, but those were just passengers going through security.
* The problem has become so commonplace that in addition to arrivals and departures, airport monitors are going to begin listing the pilot's blood-alcohol level.
* According to a report, there is a problem with U.S. Air Marshals falling asleep on airline flights. To prevent this from happening, Homeland Security is deputizing 300 crying babies.
* Russian scientists have drilled through 2.4 miles of ice to reach a hidden lake in Antarctica. The place is so far off the beaten path that there's only one Scooters.
* When I saw them drilling through 2.4 miles of ice, I assumed it was footage of public works crews in Denver.
* The lake had not had a visitor for 20 million years. Sort of like Okoboji.
* Fish in northern Vermont that were found to be radioactive have been deemed edible. Americans are now so food-oriented that we're not deterred when our dinner is glowing.
* There's a new trend called "breading" when people put a slice of bread around a cat's head and photograph it. Was planking not stupid enough? Owling just too commonsensical?
* If the Chinese vice president sees this, you just know he goes home and tells his countrymen: "We can take ‘em. They occupy themselves photographing cats in bread."
* On Valentine's Day, 50 men simultaneously proposed to their girlfriends on the show "The Talk." Being a little bit familiar with "The Talk," I'm guessing they got the idea from seeing 49 men proposing on "The View."
* ESPN announced that Ron Jaworski will no longer be in the booth on Monday Night Football. Instead, he'll be watching the games with Tony Kornheiser and Hank Williams Jr.
* There was a UFC card in Omaha on Wednesday. At the weigh-in, two competitors were cheek to cheek, scowling. My mistake, that was Greg and Doug McDermott during the Wichita State game.
* CBSSports.com introduced a game called "Baseball Boyfriend" for ladies instead of fantasy baseball. In October, when we moved clocks back an hour, apparently CBSSports.com moved them back to 1952.
* Dog racing in Council Bluffs may soon end. If so, the faux rabbit used to lead the dogs around the track will be utilized to force grammar school children to get exercise.
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