Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 30 years. She has a son from her first marriage who lives in another state. We haven't been to "Keith's" house in four years because my wife has some health problems that keep her from traveling. Her relationship with Keith has always been turbulent.
Keith and his wife are in the process of adopting a child from another country. They put together a booklet of family photos to present to the family that is currently raising the baby. When they showed us the booklet, we noticed that she and I are not in it at all. (We also are not in any of the pictures displayed around their home.)
My wife is trying not to let this upset her, but I think they should know how much this hurt her. I don't want to jeopardize an already fragile relationship. What should I do?
Left Out
Dear Left Out: The purposeful exclusion of your photos from both the booklet and the family home indicates that Keith is well aware of what he is doing. Decide what you hope to accomplish by talking to him. Would he be sorry for the hurt feelings? Would your daughter-in-law support your position? Please let your wife handle this. Be supportive of her, let her know how much you love and value her, and suggest she get some counseling to help her focus on better ways to deal with Keith.
Dear Annie: My friend and I like the same guy. She's having a party, and "Mike" is on the guest list. The party is a formal dance, and Mike has been dropping hints that he'd like me to be his date to the party.
As much as I would love to go with him, I don't know if I should. I don't want to ruin a friendship. But I don't want him to think I'm not interested. I really like him. What should I do?
Confused Crush
Dear Confused: This is one of those situations in which, no matter what you do, someone will be unhappy. The fact that your friend has a crush on the same guy doesn't mean he is interested in her, and your social life should not revolve around her preferences. If the situation were reversed, would she bow out for your sake? Would you want her to? It's best to be honest and not date Mike behind your friend's back.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Confused in Connecticut." I, too, was an overweight child. I was bullied, ridiculed and laughed at.
When I reached high school, the kids finally left me alone, but no boy would consider dating me. Then I graduated and realized that the grownup world is different. There are still some people who like to be cruel, but it gets a lot better. I found good friends and men who love some chunkiness on a woman.
I am now very happily married with two wonderful children. Gaze in the mirror every morning and find that beauty in you, and don't let anyone take it away.
Lucky in Lubbock
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