Breaking Brad: Romney's golden anniversary; more Obama fundraising - Omaha.com
Published Friday, March 23, 2012 at 10:00 am / Updated at 12:40 pm
Breaking Brad: Romney's golden anniversary; more Obama fundraising

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* On Friday morning, Air Canada went on strike, stranding thousands of travelers. Everybody was pretty upset until they realized there really isn't anywhere worth traveling to in Canada.

* Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin now play for New York City teams. Why don't they just put up a tent and officially declare New York the world's biggest circus?

* Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is coming to town to play piano with the Omaha Symphony. Condoleezza Rice on piano could be the finest classical performance of the year. The worst classical performance of the year? The Joe Biden Dancers.

* Rod Blagojevich's longtime barber told the press that Blagojevich dyes his hair. This is sort of like when a river is colored green on St. Patrick's Day, only it requires more dye.

* On Wednesday, Mitt and Ann Romney celebrated their 43rd anniversary. It's their golden anniversary. When you're a Romney, every anniversary is gold.

* President Obama just spoke outside Las Vegas. He introduced his controversial new "$3 trillion on red" deficit reduction plan.

* In Texas, Rick Santorum said that if he's not the GOP presidential nominee, voters should just give Obama another term. The comments were made shortly after Santorum met with Rick Perry. Medical researchers are excited because this is the first proof that verbal gaffes may be contagious.

* For those new to politics, let me explain. There's a technical term insiders use for statements like this: "sore loser."

* Santorum denied he's acting childish. Then he grabbed his Etch A Sketch and went home.

* GOP national chairman Reince Priebus insisted we're only at the halfway mark in the presidential race. To which 40 million Republicans immediately began beating their heads against a wall and groaning, "Only halfway?"

* Mitt Romney is campaigning in Louisiana, where he's referring to himself as "Bayou Mitt."

* Romney may do well in rural areas of Louisiana, where the most common first name for a man is in fact Mitt.

* In a desperate attempt to win over some young voters, Newt Gingrich will be appearing at all campaign events dressed as characters in "The Hunger Games."

* This weekend, President Obama is visiting South Korea for three days, where he will be holding a 5,000 won per-plate campaign fundraising dinner.

* Obama will visit the demilitarized zone separating South Korea and North Korea. He's doing research to see if it'd be feasible to put a DMZ between Democrats and Republicans in Congress.

* Actually, when the Clintons lived there, there was a DMZ inside the White House.

* This weekend, President Obama is going to visit the Korean DMZ. In an attempt to finally get Obama to Nebraska, officials are thinking of putting up barbed wire and lots of sentries.

* Newt Gingrich has campaigned in several states by Skype, which means he doesn't have to even visit. An intrigued Bob Kerrey said, "You can do that?"

* A candidate from a third organized political party may appear on the Nebraska ballot. That's assuming that at this point we can still refer to the Republicans and Democrats as "organized."

* The Kansas Legislature squashed a bid to name Toto from "The Wizard of Oz" the state dog. The state senator who sponsored the bill said he plans to reintroduce it next year. Then he went off to look for a brain.

* At the Newark, N.J., airport, a pickpocket stole $140 in cash from two passengers. The passengers said they felt a hand scrounging for cash in their pockets, but they assumed it was just the new Continental Airlines luggage-pay policy.

* TSA has a new hotline called TSA Cares. Originally, the TSA wanted the numbers to spell out "take a flying leap," but it was too many letters.

* At a welding shop in Sacramento, Calif., a man showed up for a job interview completely naked. Note to job seekers: You can have the best references in the world, but ...

* The naked guy said he thought it was OK because it was Casual Friday.

* Ricky Martin said he can't bring himself to read his memoir. Ricky, that makes two of us.

* The Big Ten placed four teams in the Sweet 16. It turns out that 11-foot image of Jim Delany's head someone was waving in the stands was in fact the actual Jim Delany.

* In NBA action Thursday night, New Orleans Hornets player Jason Smith tackled the Clippers' Blake Griffin. I saw a guy in a basketball uniform tackling the opponent's star player and for a second I thought Creighton was still alive in the NCAA tournament.

* People in Los Angeles were actually excited: This is probably as close to NFL football as they'll ever get.

* Peyton Manning turns 36 on Saturday. He told the Denver Broncos, "In lieu of a gift, just send more cash."

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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