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Brad's afternoon edition
* The oldest living former Major League Baseball player, Conrado Marrero, just turned 101. He spent the day mulling over a five-year contract offer from a desperate Kansas City Royals organization.
* Analysts say that North Korean missiles displayed during a military parade were fake. If you look closely, on the side of the missiles is the word "Rental."
* The U.S. Secret Service scandal continues to grow. The only way this thing can get any worse is if we learn that a Pentagon official paid $19,000 per prostitute.
* Vladimir Putin's 54-year-old wife has disappeared from the public eye amid reports she may be pregnant. Let's hope the U.S. Secret Service isn't involved in this one.
* Putin's wife has dropped completely out of the public eye. In the U.S. we'd call this "the Ron Paul campaign."
* More information is coming out about Ann Romney's birthday party/fundraiser. Guests paid $1,000 to attend a lavish soiree in a Trump Tower penthouse. Contrast that with Newt Gingrich's birthday, where he's planning on hitting Denny's for the free birthday meal.
* Michelle Obama is going to appear on two more episodes of "The Biggest Loser." To give you an idea how obsessed the Obamas are with television, if President Obama is re-elected, there's a 50 percent chance we're looking at Supreme Court nominee Judge Judy.
* Allegedly, the only way officials would allow new Walmarts in Mexico was via bribery. Contrast that with the Omaha area, where government officials are hurling themselves inside the Walmart van when it reaches the city limits sign on the scouting mission.
* A New York woman says she was fired after donating a kidney to her boss. All of a sudden, not getting that raise after giving the boss the $15 Walmart gift card for Christmas doesn't seem so bad, does it?
* The Los Angeles police chief is proposing giving driver's licenses to illegal immigrants. The argument is they drive as well as American citizens. Note to illegal immigrants: This is what Americans call "a backhanded compliment."
* There's a new TV show, "The Real Housewives of Vancouver." With the exchange rate, they're only seven-tenths as stupid as "Housewives" in the U.S.
* In South Korea, 2,000 couples were married in a mass ceremony that drew 20,000 spectators and included a nine-hour fireworks ceremony. You know how it goes - 1,500 of the brides had originally told their fiances, "we'll just do something simple."
* Southern California was just rocked by a 3.9 magnitude earthquake. It still did less damage than Metta World Peace's elbow.
* After 35 years, the New Jersey Nets are leaving New Jersey. I assume that like every other sports team they're moving to Ralston.
* The Nets have ended their 35-year run in New Jersey. OK, winning an NBA title is an incredible, usually once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. But it's nothing compared with leaving New Jersey.
* The Atlanta Hawks beat the Utah Jazz in four overtimes. By the end of the game, the average player had five new tattoos he didn't have at the beginning.