Breaking Brad: Biggest full moon of the year - Omaha.com
Published Friday, May 4, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 11:41 am
Breaking Brad: Biggest full moon of the year

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition

* A disappointing jobs report was released on Friday, the presidential race is entering the homestretch and North Korea is conducting missile tests. Yet Americans are buzzing about only one thing: the guy who played Urkel was just voted off "Dancing with the Stars."

* I’d like to welcome Berkshire Hathaway shareholders to the Omaha area, where we espouse old-fashioned Heartland values. If you can overlook the Gretna city official accused of spending senior fund money at Victoria’s Secret and the Bellevue police chief barred from city property.

* Many millionaires from around the country are attending the Berkshire meeting. After three days of Omaha hotel taxes, the restaurant tax and paying for parking near the CenturyLink Center, they’ll be known as "former millionaires."

* I love the Berkshire shareholders meetings. It’s the once-a-year opportunity to watch a group of wealthy Americans scramble for a chance to buy a Dilly bar half-off.

* About 35,000 Berkshire shareholders are heading to Omaha. Omaha is honoring attendees with the 35,000 orange traffic cones on our streets, one cone per visitor.

* If Lexus of Omaha is ever going to sell that $453,000 car, this is the weekend.

* Occupy protesters say they’ll show up outside Berkshire meetings to protest the top 1 percent. Actually, if you’re talking about people who bought into Berkshire Hathaway early on, that’d be the top .0000001 percent.

* Borsheims is selling a 35.80-carat diamond that retails for $2 million but will be discounted for a Berkshire shareholder. See, Occupy protesters? You can just go home because these people don’t even pay full price.

* President Obama will officially kick off his re-election campaign on Saturday at Ohio St. University. I had a nightmare that the appearance features a $5,000 per plate dinner of dorm food.

* Obama is expected to say he feels at home at Ohio St. Probably because the Ohio St. football program is equally corrupt as Chicago politics.

* A new map plots all of Mitt Romney’s offshore accounts. If you missed the map, don’t worry; it’s the new CNN logo.

* Also, instead of the flag, from now on the map will be directly behind President Obama whenever he addresses the nation from the Oval Office.

* The presidential race has featured Mitt, Barack and Newt. This is the first May when the names of our presidential candidates are weirder than the horses entered in the Kentucky Derby.
 
* Joe The Plumber showed up at the White House to see President Obama and was turned away. The White House released an official statement that the only way Joe The Plumber would get inside is if the White House toilet backed up and he’s carrying a plunger.

* Of Mitt Romney, Obama said, I’ve met him, but I don’t know him. Hillary Clinton once said the same thing about Bill.

* Saturday night will be the largest full moon of the year. Many feel this makes people act weirder. To be safe, everyone within a 50-mile radius of Ted Nugent is being evacuated.

* Five hundred tons of Tsunami debris - leaves, branches, etc. - from Japan is about to hit the west coast of the U.S. To put it in perspective, it’d take Deffenbaugh an estimated 40,000 years to pick up that much debris.

* Munch’s classic painting "The Scream" just sold for $119.9 million. It was originally $120 million, but a buyer used the Berkshire discount.

* A new malady has been identified by psychologists - it’s a fear of overpaying for tickets. I believe the technical term for this is "Orpheum-phobia."

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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