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Brad's afternoon edition
* I wouldn't say the April jobs report was bleak, but the best jobs created last month were for boostier-wearing cornerbacks for the Omaha Lingerie League team.
* Ahead of the Berkshire shareholders meeting, it was reported that Warren Buffett was spotted wearing a fanny pack. It turns out that was actually a World-Herald reporter who stuccoed himself to Buffett's back and will be live-blogging the entire meeting.
* A New Jersey woman called "Tan Mom" is in the news. That's the only name she's known by. I feel sorry for her attorney. "My client - Tan Mom - is a great person."
* An inventor has created the "world's fastest motorized toilet." Can we come up with a better name for this guy than "inventor"? It doesn't seem quite right to lump him in with Thomas Edison and Ben Franklin.
* This motorized toilet goes 46 mph. Which may make for one weird-looking Kentucky Derby homestretch.
* According to a new survey, Tampa, Fla. has the biggest problem with bugs in the United States. The mayor was preparing to deliver his official response, but mosquitoes made off with his teleprompter.
* Oprah Winfrey gave a homeless man a large meal and "wads of cash." He was so moved he briefly considered watching OWN TV, then thought better of it.
* Every single actor in New York for the premiere of a Cuban-made movie has disappeared. Normally actors don't fall off the face of the Earth until they land a new series on NBC.
* To avoid contracting Mad Cow Disease, Americans have been warned not to play with disturbed cows. There go my plans for the weekend.
* A Houston woman just had sextuplets. It really hit home when she realized she'd just given birth to a Tampa Bay Rays home crowd.
* In an NBA playoff game, Dwayne Wade picked up the shoe of N.Y. Knick Mike Bibby, and threw it. NBA stars are so coddled in the playoffs, Wade was given an assist.
* Remember the old days before athletes were spoiled? If you heard this week that someone threw a shoe it was a reference to a Kentucky Derby horse.
* The winner of the Kentucky Derby will be put out to stud at the end of the season. My money's on a U.S. Secret Service agent.
* The Phoenix Suns gorilla mascot was punched in the face by a Miami Heat fan during a skirmish. Ladies, this is a sign your husband needs to switch to decaff - you log onto Facebook and find a photo of him punching a guy in a gorilla suit.
* Here's the scary thing - in 2012, this is one of our mellowest professional sports fans.