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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Two Voyager spacecraft launched in 1977 are approaching the edge of our solar system. We know that because Tuesday they passed an Omaha polling place.
* Deb Fischer is the Nebraska Republican Senate nominee. Fischer continues to push the fact that she's a rancher. Instead of a series of debates, she just challenged Bob Kerrey to a steer-wrestling and hog-tying contest.
* In order to compete with Fischer's portrayal of herself as a Nebraska rancher, today Bob Kerrey showed up in chaps and twirling a lasso for a spot of tea at a Greenwich Village bistro.
* Fischer's ads portray her as a rancher/Second Amendment proponent. It was increasingly difficult as the campaign went on to tell the difference between a Deb Fisher ad and an episode of "The Rifleman."
* Because of the all the polling places that closed, federal monitors were on hand in Omaha. That's when you know Omaha may have an election problem - you walk into a polling place in Benson and see Jimmy Carter.
* In a move that was simultaneously necessary and symbolic, on Tuesday I traced the proposed route of the Keystone XL pipeline to get to my closest polling place.
* Candidates are always try to spin things. For example, Don Stenberg patted himself on the back for his bronze medal-like performance.
* Rick Santorum received 14 percent of the vote in the Nebraska Republican presidential primary. Apparently, most of the votes were cast by people who haven't read a newspaper, logged on to a website or turned on a television for the past six weeks.
* On election night, I thought I was watching a candidate's victory party. There were balloons dropping from the ceiling, confetti and streamers. Turns out it was a group of Millard North officials celebrating having raised enough money for an artificial turf practice field.
* Millard North officials are so thrilled at getting an artificial turf practice field that they're not stopping there and are laying down artificial turf in the library and cafeteria.
* I saw a headline in The World-Herald indicating still more deception in Gretna. The only way there can be more deception is if we learn the town's name isn't really Gretna.
* A flesh-eating lizard has been discovered inside the restroom of a campground in Florida. I still would rather visit this park than spend a day at Disney World.
* A flesh-eating lizard in a park. The Florida tourism department may want to leave this one out of the brochure.
* A 23-year-old York County man has legally added "Tyrannosaurus Rex" to his name. Chad Ochocinco and Metta World Peace told him, "Dude - you're weird."
* In a game with the Texas Rangers, the Baltimore Orioles' first three batters hit home runs. In what may be the understatement of the year, the Orioles announcer said the Texas pitcher "is off to a slow start."
* Six Chicago Cubs fans are walking cross country accompanied by a goat to break the Wrigley curse. It's nice to see baseball finally moving away from those silly superstitions.