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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Warren Buffett is buying 63 more newspapers, mostly in the Southeast. After seeing what Buffett's doing, half of investors planning on participating in the Facebook IPO are instead opting for a piece of the Danville Register & Bee.
* TGIF. Which to Nebraska Republicans now stands for Thank Goodness It's Fischer.
* Embattled Bellevue Police Chief John Stacey has 92 weeks of vacation time accumulated. After hearing this, President Obama expressed interest in the job if he loses in November.
* Stacey has 92 weeks of vacation time stockpiled, and he faces up to one year behind bars. What better way to punish a city employee than to make him take over half his vacation time and use it in jail?
* Friday's Facebook IPO is expected to earn some Facebook executives $10 billion. To put it in perspective, it takes JPMorgan Chase over an hour to lose that kind of money.
* The Yahoo CEO resigned after being caught padding his resume. He now plans to fall back on his old career as an astronaut/bullfighter/nuclear physicist.
* There will be a solar eclipse Sunday. It's hard to believe, but before the advent of video games and big screen TVs, Americans used to actually care about these eclipse things.
* The sun will disappear for several minutes, mostly out of embarrassment at being linked to Tan Mom.
* Millard North supporters have raised $300,000 to install an artificial turf practice field. Gretna officials lashed out and said that's money that could be better spent at Victoria's Secret.
* President Obama just appeared on "The View." Because he's leader of the free world, this time they let him get a word in edgewise.
* Oklahoma suspended four football players for engaging in conduct unbecoming for OU football players. Sounds like they went to class.
* The USFL, which went out of business in 1987, is returning. I'd have been less shocked if Amelia Earhart landed at Eppley.
* A UFO was reported over Denver. Imagine if an alien spacecraft did land in Denver and the aliens said, "Take us to your leader." People in Denver would respond, "We traded him to the Jets three months ago."