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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* On Friday, Facebook went public, and Mark Zuckerberg was worth $18.5 billion overnight. Then, on Saturday, Zuckerberg got married. It's depressing to think the highlight of my weekend was watching "The Odd Couple" marathon on ME TV.
* Mark Zuckerberg married his college sweetheart. After the performance of the Facebook IPO on Friday, the couple will be moving in with her parents.
* Here's my question about the Zuckerberg nuptials: When the groom is worth $18.5 billion, does the bride's father still pay for the wedding?
* The wedding was a formal affair - Zuckerberg wore a black t-shirt.
* Pakistan has banned Twitter. Hmm. I wonder how long it'd take to get a flight to Karachi?
* There's a tropical storm off the coast of the Carolinas. Brutal storm, it packs all the fury of a Ted Nugent endorsement.
* There is a huge rally of realtors taking place in Washington D.C. A jogger passed the group and ended up with 149,000 business cards.
* The realtors are rallying for home ownership. Mitt Romney stopped by to personally thank the realtor who's assisting him in buying the White House.
* A hamlet in Wyoming called Buford with only one resident has been sold. The town was purchased by Warren Buffett on the condition that it also includes the town newspaper.
* Friday there was another water main break in Omaha, this one at 32nd and Vinton Streets. Thus my nomination for new Omaha police chief: Jacques Cousteau.
* An Illinois man visiting a state park in Iowa is OK after being rescued from the cave he was trapped in for 20 hours. Attention, Iowa Tourist Board: You may want to skip putting this guy on the cover on your VISIT IOWA! brochure.
* Sunday there was a solar eclipse. The sun disappeared. We better not find out this was part of some David Copperfield TV special.
* OPPD will not ask for a second rate increase this year. I'm guessing that means OPPD is just going directly to the third rate increase of the year.
* At an event in Florida, Mitt Romney aides had to physically restrain reporters from asking questions of Romney. This is as close as either of our presidential candidates have come to combat.
* The dinner George Clooney hosted for President Obama at Clooney's home raised $15 million. To pay off the national debt, the new schedule calls for 365 Clooney-hosted dinners per year.
* The Obama team has launched some harsh, brutal attacks on Mitt Romney. Some of the attacks are so ugly that for a second Romney felt like he was running for Senate in Nebraska.
* President Obama released his financial records, showing he's worth up to $10 million. You know the traditional term for politicians worth that kind of money? "Republican."
* It's gonna be tough for Romney to criticize Obama for being worth up to $10 million, since that's how much in loose change Romney has sitting on top of his dresser.
* Former president George W. Bush issued a four-word endorsement of Romney. Republicans pointed out that's still one word longer than Jon Bruning's concession speech.
* This week, 61 world leaders will attend a NATO summit in Chicago. Because it's Chicago, Winston Churchill gets a vote.
* A British dog has landed some kind of book deal. I'll pause a moment so all struggling authors can scream.
* Apparently the dog is going to ghost write Levi Johnston's next memoir.