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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* An endangered bird may force the partial closure of Lake McConaughy beaches. The birds are getting kind of cocky. On Memorial Day weekend, they were tailgating.
* May has been declared National Hamburger Month. I think it says a lot about our priorities when we have Mother's Day and Hamburger Month. One day to honor our moms and an entire month to pay homage to the burger.
* On Tuesday night, Mitt Romney officially clinched the GOP nomination for president. Now Republicans are just keeping their fingers crossed that Newt Gingrich doesn't jump back into the race.
* Romney was about to deliver some poignant remarks about clinching the nomination when Donald Trump stepped in front of him at the mic to demand to see President Obama's birth certificate.
* On Tuesday, the Texas state primary was held. As usual, the big problem was Texans writing in their own names.
* The Texas primary was decided based on the biggest issue currently facing Texans: reopening the investigation to learn who's responsible for botching the Alamo.
* In Michigan, a dog bit a politician who was going door to door to campaign for state legislature. So I guess it's true: Dogs can immediately sense a person's character.
* According to test scores, nearly four in 10 Nebraska public high school juniors lack basic writing skills. I'm reasonably confident this study will be completely refuted this fall once students complete their essays on "What I Done On My Summer Vacation."
* While they may lack basic writing skills, our students can text message while blindfolded.
* Apparently, there was some confusion. During the writing tests, students incorrectly assumed they were limited to 140 characters.
* Kiplinger.com ranked Omaha as the best city in America to raise kids. Unless you want those kids to be able to write.
* A customer is complaining that when she brought her car in to Walmart for an oil change, the technician scrawled satanic slogans on the vehicle. I tell you, if everything isn't just perfect nowadays the consumer goes and complains.
* A man in Israel is divorcing his wife because she has 550 cats. The last straw was when the guy still found a mouse running freely about the house.
* The Chicago Cubs broke a 12-game losing streak. Cubs fans are withholding comment until they can find the appropriate curse to blame the 12 losses on.