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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* It's truly amazing. I'm checking the wire to try and confirm, but according to preliminary reports, not one school superintendent or police chief has resigned in Omaha in the past 24 hours.
* The Omaha school board has set about the arduous task of finding a new superintendent who will last at least eight weeks after accepting the job.
* Next school year, OPS computers will have a special filter so students aren't subjected to emails from the superintendent.
* Nancy Sebring has a tattoo on one foot. Instead of a lengthy interview process to select a new superintendent, the OPS board is asking all the new candidates to remove their shoes and socks.
* An expert said as a result of the Sebring situation, employers around the country are going to begin examining applicants' Facebook and Twitter accounts extremely closely. You know what that means: For the rest of time, nobody will ever get another job.
* Breaking news: Due to the Omaha budget situation, after the U.S. Olympic Swim Trials, that giant swimmer in front of Mutual of Omaha will be auctioned off to the highest-bidding miniature golf course in town.
* Bob Kerrey has purchased a home in Omaha. He put the for sale sign in the hall closet - he may need it again come November.
* Kerrey obtained an oh-so-rare five-month mortgage.
* The World Series of Poker is under way in Las Vegas. It's similar to the presidential campaign, only with less bluffing.
* A 16-year-old "genius" German student has successfully cracked a 350-year-old math puzzle originated by Sir Isaac Newton. American math students say they could have solved the puzzle - it's just that they're too busy phoning in votes for "American Idol."
* According to several news reports, a new fear of a "zombie apocalypse" is gripping America.This may be the only country where people with $23 in retirement savings and no health plan or car insurance spend sleepless nights fretting about an invasion of zombies.
* Mitt Romney is calling for sending a man to Mars. And that man is Donald Trump.
* According to a new poll, President Obama and Romney are virtually tied. Before anyone gets excited, if this is the same polling outfit that worked the Nebraska GOP Senate primary, there's a plus or minus margin of error of 35 percent.
* Vice President Joe Biden's daughter Ashley has married a doctor. This means Joe now has only the second most prestigious job in his family.
* According to a new poll, Joe Biden is not so popular in swing states. You can tell expectations have been lowered because Biden just hosted a $7.99 per plate dinner.
* Four hundred Spanish soccer fans missed a match in Bucharest after mistakenly going to Budapest. Say what you want about increasingly imbecilic behavior of American sports fans, but eight times out of 10 we manage to get to the right city for an away game.
* Former Oklahoma State receiver Justin Blackmon was arrested for aggravated DUI after he allegedly had three times the legal limit of alcohol in his system. He was walking that fine line between Oklahoma State athlete and University of Missouri fan.
* Tiger Woods won a golf tournament. With his last shot, he almost hit the pigs that were flying overhead.