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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There was another possible cougar sighting in York County. There have now been more cougar sightings in Nebraska than Bob Kerrey sightings.
* Mitt Romney had two events scheduled in Council Bluffs on Friday. To put this in perspective, that's two more events than Romney would've scheduled in Council Bluffs if Iowa weren't a key swing state.
* Romney is throwing out all stops to be popular with Iowans. At his event in Bayliss Park, Romney planned to pick up a sledgehammer and destroy the original Cy-Hawk trophy.
* Omaha Mayor Jim Suttle just paid his property taxes that were due in late March. I'm surprised Suttle would forget - his home is his second largest investment, right after his car lease.
* The mayor's office just announced that he'll be showing up in mid-October to throw out the first pitch for the 2012 College World Series.
* TV's new "Bachelor" has been chosen. If you were thinking of watching the show, I'll save you some time. Now he'll go on a series of awkward dates, there will be drama in the house between several women, he'll let the last one go in teary fashion, and his relationship with the woman he chooses will end in heartbreak after approximately 36 hours.
* Donald Trump runs the Miss USA pageant. That explains why in lieu of an interview segment, contestants split into groups of three to search for President Obama's birth certificate.
* President Obama appeared in a segment at the CMT Music Awards. Because country crooners sing about losing their jobs, losing their houses and going broke, Obama was presented with a special award for all of the material he's supplied them the past four years.
* President Obama is enacting tough new economic sanctions on Syria. He's taking all the Syrians' money and investing it in Facebook stock
* Bill Clinton said he was "very sorry" for his remarks earlier this week suggesting that the Bush tax cuts should be extended. Clinton seemed very comfortable apologizing - it was almost as if he'd uttered those exact words before.
* A website is offering $20,000 for a copy of President Obama's college transcripts. Finally, a way to benefit from the Obama administration financially - turn in the president's transcripts.
* Obama was reportedly a good student, graduating from Columbia with a 3.7 grade-point average. Also, Mitt Romney graduated from Brigham Young with a 3.97 GPA. This is what's meant by "balanced government" - smart president, dumb Congress.
* An Obama adviser said that the campaign team will not be discussing Romney's religion. Sure, by the time the Obama campaign team is done discussing that dog in the crate on top of the car, there won't be time for religion.
* Romney's religion is off-limits. However, when it comes to Romney's wealth, family, clothes, hair, business affairs, socks, dog, teeth, houses, accent and cologne, it's game on.
* Racehorse I'll Have Another, who goes for the Triple Crown on Saturday, has his own Twitter account. Why not? His tweets can't be any dumber than those of other professional athletes.
* Ahead of Saturday's Belmont Stakes, all the horses have been sequestered. They're like American jurors, only smarter.
* Radio station KOIL in Omaha is now a sports talk station. If this doesn't work out, KOIL can fall back on its roots as either a country station, a pop station, a top-40 station, a classic rock station, a news station, a polka station or an "all-accordion" station.
* Breaking news: President Obama is calling for putting more police officers on the streets to arrest Ohio State football players who get in trouble.