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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Wednesday was Mayor Jim Suttle's 68th birthday, and he announced he's running for re-election. If you're shopping for a belated gift, he's looking for an authentic Stony Brook baseball uniform to wear on the campaign trail.
* Disney announced it will no longer accept junk food ads aimed at kids. Because there will no longer be junk food ads aimed at kids, the new Disney Channel prime-time shows will air from 7 to 7:02 p.m.
* Facebook is considering allowing kids younger than 13 to open accounts. The argument is that 12-year-olds are as mentally competent as some Facebook users. According to that logic, rocks should be allowed to open accounts.
* Oh, and a big announcement from MySpace. Unfortunately, nobody knows what it was because not a single person on the planet showed up for the press conference.
* The Omaha City Council approved spending $21,000 to turn the closed Morton swimming pool into a "water playground." Which to everyone on planet Earth sounds suspiciously like a swimming pool.
* After the Wisconsin recall results came in, a voter slapped one of the political candidates. Today she was charged with "Living the dream of every American voter."
* On Thursday, President Obama gave a major economic police speech in Cleveland. Say what you want, but Obama is a master politician. In Cleveland, he paused every two minutes to shout, "Beat LeBron!"
* According to one report, Octomom is going to begin dancing in a strip club to pay her mortgage. So see? There is help for struggling homeowners out there.
* That's a bad sign, when someone pays their mortgage in dollar bills.
* Lady Gaga is launching her own social networking site. It's the only way she can "friend" Madonna.
* Lindsay Lohan has begun filming a movie where she stars as Elizabeth Taylor. If there are any earthquakes in Los Angeles in the next seven weeks, I'll give you three guesses who's spinning.
* A fan made a portrait of former Kentucky basketball player Anthony Davis out of cereal. The portrait is so detailed and intricate that in the time it took the fan to make it, the entire Kentucky team left for the NBA.
* It looks like a college football playoff may be adopted starting in 2014, and the Rose Bowl will diminish in importance. The Rose Bowl already has a new nickname: "Second Cousin of Them All."
* Giancarlo Stanton's grand slam broke the Miami Marlins' video scoreboard. If I were commissioner, you'd be awarded a fifth run for that.