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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Iran is reportedly about to test fire missiles. The logic is that with all the firecrackers going off in Omaha, nobody will hear ‘em.
* The FDA just approved a new anti-obesity pill. So some of those loud explosions you're hearing are not firecrackers; they're Americans dynamiting their StairMasters and elliptical machines.
* President Obama is going to increase his fundraising efforts. Instead of $10,000 per plate dinners, he's opening a fireworks stand in Omaha.
* Omaha.com has a map of all the fireworks displays in town. It's just a map of Omaha with a huge red dot over the entire city.
* A quick guide to where you can see fireworks in Omaha on the Fourth - everywhere.
* The Mexican presidential election is over. It was a lot like the Obama campaign, only with fewer commercials in Spanish.
* The U.S. Olympic Swim Trials in Omaha are over. This is a little different than a lot of sporting events in town. Instead of a fireworks display after the competition, the fireworks are during the races.
* After his arrest outside Embassy Suites, Marcus Jordan was described as being "animated" and "uncooperative." That's pretty much the normal reaction of out-of-town guests after seeing their bill with our hotel-room tax.
* There's bad news and good news about the East Coast heat wave. The bad news: Power is out in much of Washington, D.C. The good news: Power is out in much of Washington, D.C.
* It's so hot and dry lately that Jim Flowers is wearing a cactus on his lapel.
* During a weathercast in Baltimore, the graphic behind the weatherman gave the temperature as 775 degrees. Everyone knows temperatures back east peaked at 608 degrees.
* In Omaha when it gets to 775, we call that "the Channel 7 heat index."
* In National City, Calif., a 17-year-old boy who tried to steal a soda pop at a trolley station got his arm stuck in the vending machine. I'm not sure where the 17-year-old was going on the trolley, but we can probably rule out to receive an award for his perfect SAT score.
* In Petaluma, Calif., the world's ugliest dog has been crowned. He's so ugly, other dogs sometimes lick the wrong end.
* Spain has won the 2012 Euro Football Championship. Fans were well-behaved, maybe because with the economy in Spain, there's nothing worth looting.
* At tryouts for the new Omaha Lingerie Football League team, candidates were judged on their "passing, running and catching skills." Yes, and Miss Universe is chosen for her knowledge of algebra.