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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, is under way. There are so many bulls, it looks like the Kennedy Freeway at rush hour.
* On Monday, there is supposedly going to be a huge Internet blackout. I haven't finished downloading all the Y2K fixes yet.
* The FBI is warning of malware that could cause computers in U.S. offices to crash on Monday. Not to worry. Should the Internet go down, emergency workers are standing by with funny cats and belching babies to give American employees something to watch all day.
* According to a survey, because of the economy, more people are now shopping at thrift stores. I noticed this, and thought it was some kind of national tribute to the Olsen twins.
* President Obama is going to visit Cedar Rapids, Iowa, on Tuesday. In a desperate attempt to get Obama to visit Omaha again, city officials are erecting detour signs reading "Swing State This Way" and pointing toward town.
* The real reason Obama is in Iowa? He needed an excuse not to be photographed at Barney Frank's wedding.
* When Obama's bus tour stopped at a pub in a small town in Ohio, a man offered to arm-wrestle the president for his vote. Compared with the electoral college, this makes a lot of sense.
* On his bus tour, Obama attended an ice cream social in Sandusky, Ohio. The president decided to turn it into a fundraiser and charged $25,000 per scoop.
* On Monday, Obama pushed for an extension of the George W. Bush tax cuts for another year. You know that election is right around the corner when Obama approves of something Bush did.
* Then, a minute later, Obama blamed Bush for the heat wave and hole in the ozone layer.
* The Obamas have canceled their scheduled vacation to Martha's Vineyard out of concern that Mitt Romney could criticize the president for vacationing like an elitist. Which Romney planned to do from the St. Tropez Caviar, Cartier and Yachting Festival.
* U.S. Rep. Barney Frank has wed his longtime partner. To give you an idea of the acrimony in Washington, when the minister said, "Does anyone object?" 135 Republicans said, "Over here; I do."
* A U.S. congressional candidate was scheduled to carry the Olympic torch in England on Monday. Considering the quality of congressional candidate we usually see, the Olympic Torch should end up in Sweden.
* A scientist has created the "perfect pizza." How stupid will he feel standing next to the guy who discovered the "God Particle" at the scientists convention?
* The U.S. Olympic basketball team has been announced. It includes the best players chosen from all over the nation. Hey, that worked out OK for the Miami Heat.
* According to the college football playoff formula, several established bowls will be designated "access bowls" leading up to the big game. Authorities in Pasadena are standing by with tranquilizer guns if Rose Bowl officials learn they're an access bowl.
* ESPN signed up to air the Rose Bowl through the year 2026. The Big Ten Network tried to get rights to the Rose Bowl, where it'd be classified as religious programming.
* A 28-mile swim race around Manhattan was just held. Instead of people handing out water, there are tetanus shot stations.