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Brad's morning edition
Check back with Omaha.com this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* A new bike lane connecting midtown Omaha to downtown will allow bicyclists to make the trip safely and quickly. Now if only there was a way to make that same trip safely and quickly by car.
* It got up to 99 degrees Sunday. I was sweating like Mayor Jim Suttle seeing the latest figures for the sewer overhaul.
* There was an unconfirmed cougar sighting northeast of Des Moines. Because it’s Iowa, within hours both President Obama and Mitt Romney swept into town to plead for the cougar’s vote.
* If the cougar is caught, it will be served at the Iowa State Fair on a stick.
* Nebraska is the no. 1 state for mountain lion sightings, with 67 sightings between 1990 and 2008. This should appeal to corporations that don’t care about taxes and are looking to relocate in a state with lots of cougar sightings and interstate marijuana busts.
* There have been 67 cougar sightings in Nebraska. Which is significant, unless we learn that 64 of the sightings were by the same 98-year-old York County woman.
* Congress is now getting involved in the controversy over the USA Olympic Team outfits being made in China. With Congress running the show, this means we should have a resolution in time for the 2044 Games.
* The London Assembly wants to ban McDonald’s and Coca Cola from the Summer Olympics. Don’t these people watch TV commercials? If it wasn’t for eating McDonald’s and drinking Coke, most of these athletes wouldn’t have even qualified for the Olympics.
* A new Girl Scout cookie that is deep-fried is going to be featured at the Texas state fair. Girl Scout leaders say it’s not about profit. No, the goal is to create opportunities for the scouts to use their CPR training.
* The U.S. Senior Golf Tournament featured a special treat on Saturday when Mitt Romney showed up to announce that the winner gets to be his vice presidential running mate.
* The Ron Paul revolution at the Nebraska Republican convention fizzled after a lot of hype. Normally we don’t see that around here until football season.
* In Egypt, protesters pelted Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s car with shoes and tomatoes and chanted, "Monica, Monica," after the woman Bill had an affair with. It’s safe to say Mrs. Clinton did not have a good weekend.
* An expert on the Middle East said over there it’s considered an insult to pelt someone with shoes. I was already reasonably sure it’s not a compliment.
* The Obamas are reportedly going to skip their annual vacation at a 28,000 square-foot waterfront Martha’s Vineyard estate. Or, as the Romneys call that, "a cabana."
* Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are leaving "American Idol." President Obama is reportedly struggling to come to grips with the fact "American Idol" has created more jobs than him.
* An Omaha businessman filed a defamation lawsuit against a former employee for setting up a fake Facebook account in his name. If being fake on Facebook is grounds for a lawsuit, look for 7.2 million more lawsuits.