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Brad's morning edition
* In London, Mitt Romney offended British leaders when he said there are “disconcerting” signs they're not ready to host the Olympic Games. To make matters worse, later in the Olympic Village, Romney's hair tested positive for performance enhancers.
* British officials are angry at Romney. It seems to me when you tick off the leaders of Great Britain, it's a subtle sign a future president may have trouble getting along with the leaders of Cuba and Afghanistan.
* President Obama is not scheduled to attend the Olympic Games. This, after IOC officials denied his request to turn the opening ceremonies into a $35,000 per plate Democratic fund-raiser.
* NBC is accused of tailoring its planned Olympic coverage solely to female viewers. Instead of gold medal presentations, the network has requested that winners be honored during a “rose ceremony.”
* The name of the person who lights the Olympic cauldron is kept secret, but early speculation is it may be the first man to break the four-minute mile, Sir Roger Bannister. For good measure, at age 83 Bannister will take to the track and outrun every U.S. 1,500 meter entrant.
* The name of the final torch-bearer is the second-biggest secret in Britain, right after the queen's bowling average.
* TSA agents in the U.S. are being sent to London to help with Olympic security. This should greatly reduce the potential threat from any nail clipper-wielding group of extremists.
* Michelle Obama met with U.S. Olympic athletes before the competition began. This is going to destroy our athletes' confidence, to realize that the first lady's biceps are more impressive than theirs.
* An Omaha man has been cited for stealing water from his neighbor's outdoor faucet. OK, forget all the studies, this is when you know we're officially in a drought.
* The drought in eastern Nebraska is so bad, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers may be sent to Canada to release some water.
* According to a new IQ study, women have surpassed men in intelligence. One possible reason: Women's lives have become more demanding and their brains have adapted. Either that, or men's brains have slowed due to the Spike TV prime-time lineup.
* Mark Zuckerburg has gotten a new home mortgage. Because he's only worth $18 billion, Zuckerburg had to go to seven banks to get one to approve it.
* U.S. 7-Eleven stores may get mashed potato vending machines. “Mom, Dad - are we going to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner? “Timmy, that's a silly question. Why would we go to Grandma's when the best mashed potatoes and gravy are at 7-Eleven down the street?”
* On Fox News, analyst Bob Beckel said Mitt Romney “has the personality of a Ken doll.” Late today, Beckel issued an apology - to Ken.
* Beckel called Romney “a punk with the personality of a Ken doll.” That's the problem on Fox News - analysts holding back their true feelings.
* Protesters have been showing up at Mitt Romney campaign events and shouting, “Romney go home!” That's easy for you to say; at last count Romney had 14 home states.
* The mayor of Los Angeles said that Mitt Romney has amnesia. That may explain why every six weeks Romney embarks on a bus tour of the Midwest. “Mitt - we just did that.”
* A horse co-owned by the Romney family made the U.S. Olympic Equestrian team in dressage. Competitors in dressage are judged on appearance, suppleness and gait, the same exact way we choose our presidents.
* Romney released a new ad accusing Obama of running a dishonest campaign. Let me be frank. The last U.S. politician who ran a truly honest campaign was George Washington, and that was iffy.
* Congress is fuming over our U.S. Olympic Team outfits that were made in China. Democrats and Republicans in Congress agree on something. The competition hasn't even begun yet, and already one can say, “Do you believe in miracles?”
* A search attempt for Amelia Earhart has ended with no new information. Amelia Earhart? We can't find Katherine Jackson.