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Brad's afternoon edition
Click here to read the morning edition.
* After Team USA defeated France in basketball, every player went over to Michelle Obama and gave her a hug. Which was gracious of them, considering that if her husband has his way, every player's taxes are going to go up.
* The alternate Husker football uniforms are great. They'll make Nebraska the first collegiate football program to affect an evil, futuristic biker gang look.
* In Central Park in New York City, two dogs were married in a ceremony that cost their owners more than $150,000. Grief counselors are standing by to assist brides who were married over the weekend and are just now realizing their weddings weren't as nice as a dog's.
* The VISA and MasterCard companies have agreed to pay at least $6 billion to settle fee-fixing claims. If the money's not there by the first of the month, I hope they're both charged 14 percent interest.
* According to a new study, your horoscope can affect your weight. This means Americans will be saying: “Sure, I'd like to begin a diet and exercise program. But it wouldn't do any good – I'm a Libra, you know.”
* At the Fort Myers, Fla., airport, a woman allegedly groped a TSA agent. The TSA immediately leapt into action and hired her.
* A snake was spotted inside a post office in Florida. Finally, a low-cost method of making the mail move faster.
* Of the 10 charges brought against Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, federal prosecutors have one conviction. If the federal prosecutors were baseball hitters, right now they'd be getting sent down to Tuscaloosa in the developmental league.
* CNN, struggling in the ratings, may abandon the slogan “The World's Most Important Network.” The Longhorn Network said, “We'll take it.”
* The Omaha Nighthawks will reportedly play in the 2012 season. The Olympics are just getting under way and already we have a “Do you believe in miracles?” moment.