Breaking Brad: America's fattest state named -
Published Thursday, August 30, 2012 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 9:24 am
Breaking Brad: America's fattest state named

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition

Click here to read the morning edition.

* At the Republican convention, John McCain was photographed next to Paul Ryan. For a second I thought it was Take Your Son to Work Day.

* Thursday night is to feature a mystery speaker. Why not? For six months, Mitt Romney had a mystery running mate.

* Kim Kardashian was spotted in what looked like a wedding gown. Sure, we're heading into a three-day weekend – just enough time for a Kardashian marriage to run its course.

* Southern Mississippi's football stadium seats 36,000. That's barely enough to hold all the players named Cotton on the Husker roster.

* The GOP convention has been successful on two levels. First, Republicans are able to get their message to the American people. Second, two-thirds of the prime-time network shows pre-empted by the convention feature an appearance by one of the Obamas.

* Mitt Romney is going to release his 2011 tax returns by Oct. 15. This will allow time for him to gather all his 1099 forms from banks in Luxembourg and Tahiti.

* Nancy Pelosi is aiming to retake her post as speaker of the House. To simulate Pelosi's move to reclaim her old job, one network plans to show a steamroller flattening a village.

* This is sort of like when Mike Tyson was in his prime, only Pelosi has more killer instinct.

* Mississippi has been named the fattest state in America. There's no truth to the rumor the new state slogan will be “Overweight and Low Test Scores – Mississippi.”

* Nebraska's first football game is Saturday. In solidarity with the yards of the people in Lincoln, the Huskers are installing brown Astro Turf.

* The Minnesota Vikings are a candidate to play in the NFL game in London. This will give the team a chance to see the one place with worse weather than Minnesota.

* The Buffalo Bills cut quarterback Vince Young. They did it in traditional fashion. “Good news: You get to leave Buffalo!”

* Roger Clemens, 50, just pitched a successful game for the Sugar Land (Texas) Skeeters. Instead of Gatorade, his teammates doused him with orange Metamucil.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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