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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* On Monday night, a grass fire in north Lincoln was quickly extinguished. Under tough new Lincoln watering rules, police then showed up and ticketed the firefighters for watering on a Monday.
* Public school teachers in Chicago and coal miners in South Africa have gone on strike. The major difference between the two is that working conditions are a lot tougher for the teachers.
* Kids in Chicago are trying to be philosophical. It isn't as if Twitter went down or something serious.
* A massive power failure in Cuba plunged millions into darkness. Apparently, the hamster running on the treadmill to power the electrical grid nodded off.
* In the U.S., we've recently experienced a hurricane, a tropical storm and several moderate earthquakes. Now the country has been hit with another disaster – Congress is back in session.
* Mitt Romney said he would keep parts of President Obama's health-care overhaul. When pressed for which parts, he said: “Uh ... the parts that people like?”
* I read that now President Obama has to play defense. The Nebraska football team said: “You too?”
* On Monday, President Obama completed a two-day bus tour of Florida. To bond with Floridians, Obama's bus traveled 7 mph with its turn signal blinking.
* Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant isn't allowed out past midnight, he's always accompanied by at least one security guard, he's not allowed to go to strip clubs and he can't have a beer. Democrats had the same rules for Bill Clinton at the Democratic National Convention.
* There was a mountain lion sighting in Iowa. A tranquilizer gun was not on hand, so the mountain lion was shown footage of the Iowa football game plan from Saturday's game with Iowa State.
* The nation of Myanmar has ended media censorship. After the first airing of “The View,” “Wipeout” and the Fox News and MSNBC lineups, Myanmar officials are scrambling to reinstate censorship.
* There were two NFL games on TV on Monday night. The Cincinnati Bengals played in the first, and in the late game the Oakland Raiders played at home. This sounds like a plan to get criminals off the streets.
* Cincinnati lost to the Ravens 44-13. The Bengals' goals were modest. They wanted to make it through the first half without one player getting arrested.
* Chris Berman handled the play-by-play call on the late Monday night game. Instead of reporting what was happening on the field, the first quarter was spent coming up with new nicknames for the mascots.
* I wouldn't say Berman misidentified an occasional player, but I'm pretty sure the first touchdown was not scored by RuPaul.