Breaking Brad: No booze for Romney - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, September 12, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 10:57 am
Breaking Brad: No booze for Romney

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* In a response to a question, Bob Kerrey told an Omaha Rotary Club audience that he thinks New York City's ban on super-sized soft drinks is “a step too far.” Kerrey's so eager to be considered a Nebraskan that he added, “Not soft drinks. Call it pop!”

* The Broadway Street viaduct in Council Bluffs was shut down Tuesday night and will be again on Wednesday evening. I didn't think the new art was that bad.

* Apple is set to introduce a new smartphone Wednesday. I know what that means for me – time to upgrade to a higher quality rotary dial.

* CNN named a new weekend anchor. CNN's ratings are so bad, the weekend anchor gig went to some guy in the witness protection program.

* I read that Mitt Romney drinks no alcohol. You think President Obama has a tough time relating to Congress.

* Fox News played R.E.M.'s “Losing My Religion” during the Democratic National Convention. When you look at all the high spirits at that convention in the face of terrible employment news, I might have gone with “Shiny Happy People.”

* I just watched the new CNN-produced documentary on President Obama. I learned a lot. For example, I did not realize that Obama gets most of his exercise walking on water.

* There's a new product just out: mobile stripper poles for tailgate parties that attach to your truck bumper. The makers get the bad timing award for coming out with this the week after the Democratic National Convention.

* In an interview with USA Today, President Obama implied the Republicans lack gravitas and substance. Well, it wasn't really an interview – it was a pie chart.

* Hank Williams Jr. said: “We've got a Muslim for a president who hates cowboys, hates cowgirls, hates fishing, hates farming, loves gays, and we hate him.” Which I believe was the original title of the keynote address at the Republican National Convention.

* I hate it when celebrities issue these vague statements and you can't tell which side they're on.

* Pastor Rick Warren canceled a “civil forum” between President Obama and Mitt Romney because of all the discord in the campaign. Instead of a civil forum, the two candidates will be meeting for five rounds of three minutes each in an Octagon.

* Lincoln is getting an indoor football team. How embarrassing is this going to be for the Husker defense if it gives up more yards than an arena football team?

* Jay Cutler's girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari, gave birth to the couple's first child. Interestingly, the baby cries less than Dad.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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