Breaking Brad: Million Puppet March planned for Big Bird - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, October 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 2:23 pm
Breaking Brad: Million Puppet March planned for Big Bird

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* During a campaign stop in Ohio, Joe Biden comforted a crying baby. Later, the campaign issued a statement for crying babies in non-swing states: "You're on your own."

* Joe Biden was interrupted by a crying baby. Apparently the baby was aware of the level of success the Obama-Biden Administration has had in creating jobs for young people.

* There was a 3.6 magnitude earthquake in the Nebraska Sand Hills. Fortunately, at the time it struck, every single resident of the Sand Hills was in a Lincoln TV studio filming a commercial about what kind of neighbor Deb Fischer is.

* Lindsay Lohan has clarified her position on the presidential race, saying she is backing Mitt Romney “as of now.” It's embarrassing enough for Romney to get Lohan's endorsement. To make it worse, now she's hedging.

* Coincidentally, Romney could easily add “as of now” to every position he's ever taken.

* A rally of Women for Obama was held on a huge outdoor mall in Columbus, Ohio. This is not to be confused with a rally of the group Wall Streeters for Obama, which was held in a Fifth Avenue phone booth.

* Katy Perry headlined a fundraising concert for President Obama. Apparently, he's run out of American celebrities who haven't already endorsed him.

* A Million Puppet March is planned in support of Big Bird. Just when you think the election cannot get stupider.

* Social Security recipients are going to receive one of the smallest cost of living increases ever – between 1 and 2 percent. Many seniors plan to use the extra money to put 1/80th of a tank of gasoline in their Oldsmobiles.

* Gov. Dave Heineman is proposing getting rid of the Nebraska state income tax. I'm guessing if this happens, to make up for the lost revenue the wheel tax increases to an average of $39,000.

* Bob Kerrey has been going door-to-door in north-central Nebraska. Not campaigning, no. He's searching for the last disgruntled Deb Fischer neighbor.

* The Environmental Protection Agency named A-Rod Player of the Year due to the wind energy kicked up by his whiffs in the American League Championship Series.

* LeBron James and ESPN are teaming up for a new comic book that portrays James as a superhero. I don't know. The last time ESPN and James tried to portray LeBron as a superhero, the result as “The Decision,” and look how that turned out.

* Before a Cleveland Browns game, a Browns fan won $450 by sticking his head in a bucket of urine. There's concern this could put his title “Classiest Dawg Pound Member” in jeopardy.

* The annual Wife Carrying Championships just concluded. While this may seem trivial, under the complex formula the winner receives two points in the BCS.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
Breaking Brad: Kraft wiener recall is business opportunity for TD Ameritrade Park
Instead of returning the wieners, TD Ameritrade Park is calling them "cheese dogs" and charging double.
Breaking Brad: Photos with the Easter Bunny are so 2010
In a sign of the times, most kids ran out of patience waiting for a photo with the Easter Bunny at the mall, just snapped a selfie and went home.
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