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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Bruce Springsteen is performing at CenturyLink on Thursday night. This is as close to the Obama for President campaign as most Nebraskans will ever get.
* On Tuesday, Republican State Sen. Mike Flood announced he’s running for governor in 2014. Following the new policy, Republicans immediately began vetting his neighbors.
* Last week nobody was eliminated on “Dancing with the Stars.” Apparently, the votes from Florida hadn’t been counted yet.
* Our long nightmare is over - Florida has finished counting ballots in the 2012 elections.
* Florida incumbent Congressman Allen West is refusing to concede even though he lost the election. You can’t blame him. Because it’s Florida, you never know when 8,000 uncounted votes may roll in.
* CIA Director David Petraeus resigned because he had an affair with his biographer. Officials got suspicious after seeing the title of the biography -- “General David Petraeus: One Fantastic Kisser!”
* Let this be a lesson to all other married government officials thinking of straying. If the director of the CIA can’t keep his affair secret, you have no chance.
* The affair between Petraeus and his biographer may have begun in Afghanistan. I believe we have a winner in the Dumbest Government Official’s Affair contest. It began in a country where adultery is punishable by death.
* Paula Broadwell, the official biographer of CIA Director David Petraeus, went to Afghanistan to be embedded with Petraeus and his staff. OK, nobody does this again until proving they have a rudimentary understanding of the definition of “embedded.”
* President Obama’s platform for his second term includes stabilizing the economy, stabilizing banks and shoring up health care. It’s so similar to his platform in 2008, maybe instead of “Forward!” his campaign slogan should’ve been “Rewind!”
* Reportedly, the boy band One Direction has been invited to perform at the White House. Obviously, the logic is that after experiencing a boy band, the Republicans won’t seem quite so obnoxious to President Obama during the fiscal cliff negotiations.
* A race for city council in Walton, Ky. ended in a tie after one candidate’s wife failed to vote. OK, I think we found the most awkward dinner conversation of the past week winner.
* The race was scheduled to be decided by a coin toss. It’s sad when “The X Factor” has a more sophisticated tie-breaker than the American political system.
* According to The Atlantic, George W. Bush is spending his time as an ex-president painting portraits of dogs. The big change is it’s easier to get dogs to sit still for hours than to get Congress to do anything.
* Bristol Palin is selling her family car on Craigslist. You know it’s actually the Palin family car on Craigslist because there’s a dead otter strapped to the hood.
* I read that Donald Trump has started a new feud. I believe this one is with a Ukrainian shepherd, who was the lone remaining person on the planet that Trump had yet to feud with.
* I read that Warren Buffett and LeBron James are friends. Buffett is 82, and James 27. I think it’s just nice to see two people together with a 55-year age difference who have not just been named King and Queen of Quivira.
* A mountain lion was spotted near downtown Bennington. Generally, mountain lions prefer sparsely populated areas with rolling terrain and lots of creeks - wait, I’ve just described downtown Bennington.
* Superman is no longer employed at the Daily Planet newspaper. This puts into perspective how tough the job market is for journalism majors. A prospective new employer reviewed Superman’s resume. “Able to leap tall buildings; X-ray vision. Well, I’ll put this on file.”