* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition.
* Most tours from Omaha to the Big Ten Championship game include a stop at the Indianapolis 500 Motor Speedway. For the uninitiated, this is their Dodge Expressway.
* If the Indianapolis 500 Speedway was in Omaha there would be speed bumps every 20 yards.
* Fan interest in traveling to the Big Ten title game isn't so great. Omaha's Channel 7 sent a film crew to a travel agency to record all the calls coming in. After an hour the phone finally rang. It was a guy trying to book a trip to the Corn Palace.
* Omaha's first parking manager began his job on Thursday. Here's the amazing thing — on Friday he showed up for Day Two. He hasn't quit yet.
* Omaha's first parking manager has assumed his duties. He will be formally introduced to the city during a parade where he'll be waving from the back of a tow truck.
* Omaha's first parking manager is Ken Smith. I guess I can't blame him for not using his real name.
* New diagonal parking spaces in the Old Market require a three-step process. If you've been around Omaha drivers long enough you realize that's three steps too many.
* The three steps are: Signal. Stop. Reverse. OK, right off the bat, I see a problem with number one.
* On Thursday night, the Travel Channel featured the 145-year-old scalp kept at the W. Dale Clark Library. The good news: This will raise Omaha's national profile. The bad news: We're now known as “The Home of the Really Old Hair.”
* The president of MUD is receiving a $10,317 raise. I'm trying to confirm he needs the money to pay his OPPD bill.
* This is the time of year thoughts turn to that person who knows who's been good and who's been naughty — Candy Crowley.
* The president of Egypt launched an unprecedented power grab. Or, as that's called around the globe, “pulling a Pelosi.”
* President Obama made his first formal fiscal cliff offer to Congress. It's almost identical to the informal offer he made earlier which was rejected. Man, he must think that Congress is comprised of a bunch of idiots — nevermind.
* To put this in perspective, the odds of Republicans accepting Obama's initial fiscal cliff offer are slightly lower than you had of winning Powerball.
* On Thursday, Mitt Romney joined President Obama for lunch at the White House where the two men dined on turkey chili. This demonstrates how far Romney has fallen — they served him leftovers.
* Following tradition, Mitt Romney had lunch at the White House. As if that wasn't awkward enough, because President Obama was the host, after arriving Romney learned that lunch was $20,000 per plate.
* According to a new study by the Pew Institute, MSNBC is "pro Obama." I suspected that when MSNBC reporters began addressing President Obama as “Your Highness” in interviews.
* Some of the confetti at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade turned out to be shredded confidential Mitt Romney documents. It's a sad world when the only way we can get a look at a presidential candidate's tax returns is to scotch-tape together parade confetti.