Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Your Husband,” who wrote an open letter to his wife explaining how her unwillingness to have sex justified his affair. He was obviously pouring his heart out. I am a 54-year-old woman on hormone replacement. My husband and I enjoy a wonderful sex life, but as I get older, I am less and less interested. I love him and want to make him happy, so once a week I force myself to have sex. If you love someone, you try to understand their needs.
But I respect hard honesty. If he had told his wife how he felt before his affair, they might have reached a mutual agreement. Now, it’s a betrayal of the marriage. He made a decision for both of them without consulting her. How would he feel if she did that?
Emotional in California
Dear Emotional: We were drowning in mail from readers responding to this man’s message, nearly all of it from women. Read on:
From Illinois: This husband is an immature, selfish, spineless jerk. How can he claim he loves his wife and then commit adultery? As long as she fulfills his need for sex, she is perfect, but when the sex stops, all those other things don’t count. He should have the decency to tell her that his need for sex outweighs his love for her.
Pennsylvania: I’ll bet his wife cooks, cleans and takes care of those children, so he’d be an idiot to walk away. Not once does he indicate that they have tried counseling or a doctor’s help. Instead, he took the selfish way out and slept with another woman. And just to be clear, a basic need would be food, water, shelter, clothing. No one has ever died for lack of sex.
Florida: I don’t have libido issues. I am simply turned off. You have gained 80 pounds, perspire profusely and have bad breath. If you would spend less time playing with your girlfriend and work on your appeal, this would be different. I do love you, so figure out which woman will be around to feed you and change your Depends when you have a stroke.
California: I was this wife. At age 38, I began ignoring his advances. Looking back, I think I was unhappy with myself. I finally found my libido, and our sex life has been amazing since. But when I first approached him again, he turned me down. Now I know how much rejection hurts, especially from someone you love.
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