Breaking Brad: Living in my camper at Westroads parking lot - Omaha.com
Published Monday, December 24, 2012 at 12:01 am / Updated at 8:00 am
Breaking Brad: Living in my camper at Westroads parking lot

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition

* The world did not end on Friday. Some made out well. Take the group R.E.M., who earned an estimated $1 billion in royalties from all the newscasts playing “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” as their lead-in music.

* Saturday was the biggest holiday shopping day of the year. Sure, all those people who thought the world was ending on Friday had to scramble and buy gifts.

* On Saturday I drove a camper to the Westroads so I had a place to live while searching for a parking spot.

* After shopping at the Westroads on Saturday, I needed to get away from all the hustle and bustle and seek refuge where there’s not a soul around. So on Sunday I went to the Crossroads.

* Instead of putting up Christmas lights this year, a lot of dads in Omaha preferred to just tell the neighbors, “Oh, we have a great display. You just can’t see it. Darn OPPD power outage.”

* The lights in Linden Estates are better than ever this year. That may be due to several homeowners employing moonlighting NASA scientists to erect their displays.

* The Weather Channel dubbed the Midlands winter storm Draco, Latin for dragon. “Draco” is short for dragon. Omaha officials are calling the storm “Ex,” which is short for “Expensive.”

* Some Omahans are complaining that after initially doing a good job on the storm, the Omaha Public Works Department has since failed. Actually, public works has given up and is just bringing in a Zamboni to clean all the ice.

* I saw a report on that missile North Korea launched into space. Apparently, it’s somewhat out of control and traveling at a speed of 1,500 mph. That sounds like rush hour traffic on the Dodge Expressway the morning after the blizzard.

* The all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled that a dentist was entitled to fire a female employee he found “irresistible." So while most of the country moved back their clocks one hour in the fall, it sounds like Iowa just turned back the clocks another 40 years.

* On New Year’s Eve in Times Square the ball will drop at midnight. I have a suggestion. If no fiscal cliff deal is reached, can we add an image of the president and members of Congress dropping the ball?

* Not to worry. President Obama will be working to solve the fiscal cliff problem between the seventh green and the eighth fairway while on vacation in Hawaii.

* Budgetary experts are trying to lower Americans’ expectations for what a fiscal cliff deal might look like. Is it necessary to lower expectations for anything involving the current Congress? It’s like trying to lower the expectations of film critics for the next Adam Sandler movie.

* John Boehner has taken another public beating. At this point he’s basically the Mr. Bill of House speakers.

* I wouldn’t say that John Boehner has been weakened, but in the federal government hierarchy he now wields roughly the same amount of power as the dog catcher in Scranton, Penn.

* It is not looking good. The Tea Party has suspended all fiscal cliff debate so it can focus on getting the “innuendo-laden” “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” out of all Christmas pageants.

* If you’re shopping for a last-minute gift for a member of the House, buy him or her a clue.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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