Breaking Brad: Death Star petition rejected - Omaha.com
Published Monday, January 14, 2013 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 7:08 am
Breaking Brad: Death Star petition rejected

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* The White House has rejected a petition to build an $850 quadrillion Death Star. To put it in perspective, $850 quadrillion is enough to pay for two Obama family vacation rentals.

* Due to the flu outbreak, some Omaha churchgoers are abstaining from shaking hands with other parishioners. Instead, there's a new thing in church, the "sign of peace elbow bump."

* There are record-low temperatures and snow in Southern California. It's so bad that residents of Hollywood are removing the chains from their noses and putting them on their cars.

* Labor Secretary Hilda Solis has resigned. That is not encouraging for the jobs picture – the Labor Secretary is unemployed.

* According to a scandalous, tell-all book, Elizabeth Taylor had an affair with Ronald Reagan and a fling with JFK. That is shocking. Forget the affairs; in this day and age it's just shocking to hear about someone able to get along with both a Republican and a Democrat.

* Al Gore sold Current TV to Al Jazeera in a deal that will reportedly earn him $125 million. It's just nice to see one U.S. politician with a successful Middle East plan.

* Now Gore has nothing to do. He sold his TV network, and the way this winter is going it's obvious that this global warming thing doesn't exist.

* There are record-low temperatures in Southern California. It's so cold that at Sunday night's Golden Globes ceremony, for the first time since 2007 one actress actually wore clothes.

* At the Golden Globes, Daniel Day-Lewis won best actor in drama for playing Abraham Lincoln. He edged out Mitt Romney, who played Ronald Reagan during the GOP primaries.

* At the Golden Globes, former President Bill Clinton introduced a clip of “Lincoln” with a few brief remarks. As incredible as “Lincoln” was, it pales in comparison to Clinton being able to keep his remarks brief.

* Clinton said that addressing the Golden Globes Hollywood crowd was similar to when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention last summer, only with more Democrats in the house.

* A Texas state high school championship football game drew more fans than 13 college bowl games. I'm not sure why, but I'm going out on a limb and guess that neither of the Texas high school teams was 6-6.

* A Redskins cheerleader got engaged on the field before a game with the Cowboys. The couple plan to vow to remain together until death do them part, or a Tony Romo-led team reaches the Super Bowl.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Teen who worked as a cook is killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Finally. Spring expected to return. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
Four, including Omahan, vie for police chief position in Council Bluffs
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
Police's new gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Shoreline Golf Club
$40 for 2 Players, 18 Holes of Golf with Cart ($85 Value)
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »