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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.
* In an interview, Bill Clinton said he thinks Hillary will live to be 120. That would work out great, with any luck she'll be around when the White House and Congress finally compromise on the debt ceiling.
* Michelle Obama turned 49 on Thursday. This was uncalled for. Al Gore showed up at the party to claim that all her lit candles are contributing to global warming.
* A Livestrong spokeswoman said Lance Armstrong's apology to charity staff members came across as "heartfelt and sincere." I guess heartfelt and sincere sounds better than "too little, too late."
* I guess there's but one big question left in the Lance Armstrong saga -- what the heck channel is the OWN Network on?
* The flu outbreak in Omaha is so bad city officials are arranging for crop dusters containing Lysol and anti-bacterial soap to fly over the city.
* In a new book, Al Roker admits he once, in his words, pooped his pants at the White House shortly after undergoing gastric bypass surgery. Remember when we used to have revelatory books about the White House like “All The Presidents' Men”?
* The White House is spinning the story and thanked Roker for "providing Rose Garden fertilization."
* Roker's statement made for the stupidest-looking news blurb ever rolling across the bottom of the screen on CNN.
* The 19-year-old son of Sen. Rand Paul was arrested for alleged underage drinking at an airport in North Carolina. Because he may have been drinking heavily in an airport before a flight, he's now eligible to work as a pilot for three major airlines.
* A New York City youth soccer team is going to stop high-fiving due to concerns about of the flu. Not only that, but the Surgeon General is trying to mandate that LeBron James and the Miami Heat lose in the NBA Finals just so there are no post-game handshakes.
* It was incredibly windy for the PGA opener in Hawaii. One guy had a hole-in-one on the 17th, and he was teeing off on hole two.
* After a golfer in Reno, Nev., broke the window of a home on the course with a ball, the homeowner shot and wounded the golfer. Next time a realtor tries to sell you on “idyllic golf course living,” show her this story.
* On a golf course in South Africa, a fully grown baboon ran onto a fairway, stole a sandwich and drove off in a golf cart. My question: How stupid does it make golfers look who can't figure out how the golf cart works to see a baboon drive off in one?