* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* President Obama’s Tuesday night State of the Union address will focus on his economic plan. I look for it to run from 8 p.m. to 8:02.
* Experts expect Obama’s speech to be “somewhat partisan.” I would imagine so, considering it’s titled, “Kiss My @%*, Republicans.”
* Do not adjust your TV sets, that is Ted Nugent at the State of the Union.
* Ted Nugent will be attending as a guest of a Texas congressman. Hey, with the acrimony in Washington, I’m just surprised Nugent isn’t delivering the Republican rebuttal.
* At the Grammy Awards, there was an edict issued warning “No bare breasts or buttocks.” Ironically, Democrats have the same rule for Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.
* Sen. Rand Paul will deliver a special tea party rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union speech. As always, the most interesting thing will be watching Paul and John Boehner wrestle over the microphone.
* I actually got a sneak preview of Paul’s speech. I can’t divulge much, but it’s the first political rebuttal to include the phrases “lying doofus” and “the revolution starts at 10 a.m.”
* In something called a “prebuttal,” DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz said of the GOP: ”You can’t put lipstick on a pig.” The way things are in Washington, next we’ll have a “pre-prebuttal” with Republicans refuting everything Democrats are likely to say in the prebuttal.
* Just ahead of his State of the Union speech, President Obama rushed through his new “applause tax.”
* I thought this was uncalled for. Congressional Republicans were caught trying to replace Obama’s speech on the teleprompter with Pope Benedict XVI’s resignation letter.
* Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) said he can’t support Obama nominees Chuck Hagel and John Brennan. This is going a little too far. Now Graham is pondering releasing a blanket statement reading, “I cannot endorse (insert name of Obama appointment here)” to cover all future Obama nominees.
* Hillary Clinton said the best thing about leaving her job as secretary of state is now she gets to take it easy and sleep in. Forget running for president, sounds like Hillary plans to run for vice president.
* Chris Christie lashed out again at the Republican Party. If he lashes out at Republicans once more, Christie is eligible to host a show on CNN.
* Christie said the decision to lengthen the primary season in 2012 was “the stupidest thing Republicans ever did.” While it may be the stupidest thing Republicans have done up until now, the way both parties are getting dumber, that won’t last. Stupid records are dropping like swimming records during an Olympics.
* The way Christie has been lashing out at the GOP, in 2016, he could become the first U.S. Republican president to deliver the Democratic rebuttal after his own State of the Union speech.
* That speeding asteroid is expected to miss Earth by 15 minutes. Actually, I fear this thing a lot less than I do that Iranian space shuttle orbiting the globe with a monkey at the controls.
* Iran is accused of faking its launch of a monkey into space. I think the only thing more embarrassing than sending a chimp into orbit in 2013 is to be caught faking the whole thing.
* If it turns out Iran did fake this, all of a sudden the U.S. government doesn’t seem so corrupt. At least our leaders aren’t posing for fake photos with a chimp beside a launch pad -- yet.