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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman on Wednesday named a new lieutenant governor. He’s taking a big chance doing that the day before Valentine’s Day.
* Gov. Heineman appointed Lavon Heidemann as lieutenant governor with the obvious intent of making Omaha TV anchors misspeak approximately 70,000 times.
* Heineman appointed Heidemann … wait, the other way around … no, that’s right.
* Heineman named Heidemann. There is now a fine line between Nebraska politics and an Abbott and Costello routine.
* Gov. Heineman appointed Heidemann to replace Rick Sheehy as lieutenant governor. I don’t envy Heidemann he has some pretty big cellphone bills to fill.
* The new lieutenant governor met Heineman’s top two criteria: he’s against high taxes and, more importantly, roaming charges.
* Just to be safe, the new lieutenant governor will be communicating strictly via homing pigeon.
* Happy Valentine’s Day, or, as it’s known to men: Thursday.
* Under truth in advertising, we should call Valentine’s Day what it really is: National Laughing All The Way To The Bank Day for florists and card shops.
* I saw an online article titled: “Valentine’s Day Mistakes to Avoid.” Number one, for the guys: caulk does not make a romantic Valentine’s gift.
* There’s a new Valentine’s gift. You can give your sweetheart chocolates with your face on them. To pick these up, just go to the creepy aisle at the grocery store.
* An attorney in Michigan held a contest where the winner received a free divorce on Valentine’s Day. Folks, every once in awhile, I hear something so romantic it brings a tear to this jaded writer’s eye, and this is one of those instances.
* There’s a line of 99-cent Valentine cards. It’s for people who want to say I love you, just not enough to spend a buck.
* Several Republicans are planning a filibuster to stave off a vote on Chuck Hagel’s nomination as defense secretary. Filibuster is when you speak nonstop yet essentially say nothing. As a veteran of Omaha talk radio, Hagel knows all about that.
* Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert praised Obama’s State of the Union address for its mention of energy independence. To which a nation of shocked Americans remarked: “There’s a member of Congress named Louie?”
* In his official White House portrait photo, President Obama has a huge, ear-to-ear grin on his face. Apparently it was taken right after he learned he’d be running against Mitt Romney.