Breaking Brad: Kevin James clocks in faster than Manti Te'o -
Published Thursday, February 28, 2013 at 1:00 pm / Updated at 11:19 am
Breaking Brad: Kevin James clocks in faster than Manti Te'o

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* Paris Jackson reportedly wants to undergo a new procedure that erases memories. Parents in Omaha, you may want to keep this procedure in mind for the day after the Justin Bieber concert.

* It’s unclear what memories Paris wants to erase, but my money is on Tito’s last album.

* An American journalist has begun a walk around the world, during which he plans to write about his journey covering 20,000 miles over several years. So see, young journalism grads -- there are good opportunities out there.

* Urban Meyer claims that former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes once let a turtle bite him in the groin to prove his toughness. The only time I’ve ever seen a turtle bite a man in the groin, I was watching the halftime show at an Omaha Beef game.

* The IOC is removing wrestling, one of the original Olympic sports, from the Games. As everyone knows, IOC stands for Insipid Oafs Clucking.

* The Grambling State men’s basketball team is 0-25, the only winless Division I team. The good news for Grambling State players: they’re still in contention for a CBI bid.

* LeBron James said he's faster than Manti Te’o. Judging from Te'o’s time in the 40-yard dash at the NFL Combine, actor Kevin James is also faster.

* The Rapid City Rush of the Central Hockey League held a fan beer-chugging contest during intermission. But there were already beer-chugging contests for fans at minor league hockey games -- they’re called the "first, second and third periods."

* At her "small wedding," Jennifer Aniston's bridesmaids will be Chelsea Handler and actress Emily Blunt. We need a new rule: If your bridesmaids are more famous than the people competing on "Dancing with the Stars," you are not allowed to refer to it as a "small" wedding.

* Maine is preparing for a blizzard. President Obama arrived to blame the blizzard on federal sequester cuts.

* If the federal sequester cuts kick in, it is supposedly going to be a bad day to fly. Is this surprising? The last time there was a good day to fly on a commercial airline, it was 1986.

* On March 9 in Omaha at the Leprechaun 10K, runners traveling from 15 states will compete for free beer. Somewhere along the way, the fitness craze veered seriously off course.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
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Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
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