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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Chick-fil-A may expand in the Omaha area. Many Omahans are enthusiastic about this if you define “enthusiastic” as foaming at the mouth, panting and lining up in the empty lots that are the rumored sites of the new restaurants.
* An eastbound lane of Dodge Street will be closed three or four days to repair a broken water main. I believe the road where the meteor crashed in Russia was only closed two days.
* On Thursday, Nebraska native and former astronaut Clayton Anderson will attend a junior science fair in Hastings. Now, doesn’t the kid whose science project consists of a pillow for frogs feel self-conscious enough without a guy who orbited the Earth looking over his shoulder?
* Sen. Rand Paul filibustered the nomination of John Brennan as CIA chief. A filibuster is when you talk nonstop without saying anything of substance. This is not to be confused with that two-day filibuster Mel Kiper, Jr. will soon be doing during the NFL draft.
* In his filibuster of the CIA chief nominee, Sen. Paul began speaking at 11:45 a.m. EST and ended at about 12:45 a.m. EST. That ties the record for talking nonstop set by Joy Behar on “The View.”
* Part of the filibuster was bipartisan. Great, we’ve finally got Democrats and Republicans cooperating, and it’s in talking nonstop for no reason.
* Wednesday night, President Obama took a small group of senators out to dinner at an upscale Washington restaurant on a night when a foot of snow had just fallen. I’m trying to confirm that Obama arranged for Republicans to ride in a car with rear-wheel drive.
* To give you an idea what kind of financial shape this country is in, Obama and the senators raced to the restaurant so they wouldn’t miss the early bird special.
* The impact of the sequester cuts is already brutal. Today, President Obama was spotted playing miniature golf.
* One immediate impact of the sequester cuts: Members of Congress are no longer allowed to fly on military aircraft. I think making members of Congress fly commercial is the fastest way to end this thing -- look for a resolution by Monday at the latest.
* Some $85 billion in sequester cuts are going into effect. Or, as the Yankees call $85 billion, “a contract extension.”
* President Obama wants to appoint a “common sense caucus” in Washington, D.C. It’s off to a shaky start. The first appointee? Dennis Rodman.
* Michelle Obama just held an Internet chat to discuss her “Let’s Move” campaign. This is the only fitness program that encourages young people to stop exercising and log onto the nearest computer.
* A Florida college algebra teacher faces possible termination for forcing students to sign pledge cards to vote for President Obama. You combine the Florida educational system with the Florida political system and then with algebra, and you’re begging for trouble.
* Over 90,000 Americans signed a petition demanding that CNN host Piers Morgan be deported. You know this is bogus because CNN doesn’t even have 90,000 viewers.
* South Korea has elected its first female president. It’s actually kind of disappointing that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton couldn’t wait four years to run in the country of her birth. But you can’t stand in the way of ambition.
* Former GOP Sen. Pete Domenici from New Mexico admitted fathering an out-of-wedlock child 30 years ago. Even more embarrassing -- Congress was debating the same legislation the day the kid was born as it was Thursday.
* Domenici admitted he fathered a child with the daughter of a Senate colleague 30 years ago. He admitted it because he wanted to do the right thing. See, our elected representatives are capable of doing the right thing. It just takes 30 years.