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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Today’s edition of Breaking Brad had to be rewritten at the last minute when UNL Chancellor Harvey Perlman did all the jokes I was going to do.
* I just saw the asteroid the size of a football field that passed by earth -- wait, my mistake, that was the truck carrying Taylor Swift’s equipment to town.
* Taylor Swift will be playing two concerts in Omaha on back-to-back nights. Let’s hope this doesn’t give Justin Bieber and Nickelback any ideas.
* The theme of the 2013 Nebraska State Fair is “The Thrill of It All.” In the hyper-competitive fair world, the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines announced its theme: “Five Percent Better Than the Nebraska State Fair.”
* According to reports, Dennis Rodman was kicked out of a Manhattan hotel bar. He’s claiming diplomatic immunity.
* President Obama just took Republican senators out to dinner and had Paul Ryan visit the White House for lunch. It’s Obama’s new “keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer” plan.
* President Obama hinted last month his oldest daughter, Malia, is starting to date. I wouldn’t say a lot of young people today are uninformed, but the first kid to pick her up took one look at President Obama and said: “Hey! You’re the guy from ‘The View.’”
* Ann Romney confirmed that she considered going on “Dancing with the Stars.” That would’ve made for a tough adjustment. It looks like you’re about to become First Lady, and next thing you know, you look up, and you’re competing against Andy Dick in the rumba.
* Multimillionaire Dennis Tito wants to send a couple to Mars. Hey, how about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian?
* Secretary of State John Kerry is offering $60 million in aid to the Syrian opposition. To come up with the $60 million in this age of federal austerity, he’s taking the loose change from atop his wife’s dresser.
* According to a study, the brains of Democrats and Republicans are different. Finally, an explanation for why Congress can’t agree on anything -- Democrats are from Mars, Republicans are from Venus.
* Michelle Obama has been making appearances with Big Bird to celebrate the anniversary of her “Let’s Move!” campaign. When the president talked about big changes for his second term, I didn’t realize that meant his family would be hanging out with costumed celebrities.
* Former U.S. Sen. Blanche Lincoln has been hired as a consultant by Walmart. Because a former member of Congress is now advising the store, instead of 5 a.m. on Black Friday, Walmart has formed 18 committees to decide what time to open. Now it may be 8 a.m., 11 a.m., or maybe it just won’t open at all.
* Fox News is going to air its first health and lifestyle show. I saw a clip of the pilot program. You know the secret to a happy and healthy life? Hating Democrats.