* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Tuesday night's Omaha mayoral forum had been scheduled for the Omaha Playhouse, but due to all the acrimony between candidates, at the last minute, it was moved to a steel cage inside the Civic Auditorium.
* At the forum Tuesday night, several candidates said there are too many bike lanes on our streets. It doesn't stop there. If the water main breaks don't stop, we're getting Jet Ski lanes.
* Mayor Jim Suttle was criticized by a couple of other candidates for hiring a bike czar. At least we finally got an OPS leader. For a while, Omaha risked being the only city with a bike czar and no school superintendent.
* Council Bluffs Mayor Tom Hanafan will not seek reelection. I wouldn't say Hanafan has had the job for a long time, but he originally defeated Daniel Boone for the office.
* If the race for new mayor of Council Bluffs is half as acrimonious as the one for mayor of Omaha, it'll basically resemble a small-scale soccer riot.
* The odds of filling out a perfect NCAA Tournament bracket: 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 to 1. Ironically, those are also the exact same odds of the Omaha roadwork at 144th and Blondo being completed on schedule.
* The International Space Station used its 57-foot robotic arm to release a cargo craft. In a sign of the times, after releasing the cargo craft, President Obama directed the 57-foot robotic arm to give the finger to Republicans.
* You know you're a little too into the NCAA Tournament if your first thought upon seeing the 57-ft. arm was: “Just think of the shot-blocking capabilities.”
* A New Jersey college professor who's lived in the U.S. for 40 years is running for president of Iran. Over there, he's known by his nickname: “The Bob Kerrey of the Middle East.”
* He's running on a platform of improving Iran's space program by instilling a higher quality of monkey in the shuttles.
* The general warming trend in the world is predicted to continue for the next 11,000 years. I tell you, these long-range forecasts on Channel 7 are getting a little ambitious.
* The sequester cuts are brutal. I saw a sign at the mall inviting kids to have their photo snapped with the Easter Gerbil.
* The White House Easter Egg Roll is right around the corner in Washington, D.C. I'll file this in the category of “I wonder how they'll screw this one up.”
* In a sign of the acrimony in Washington, Republican children and Democratic children will be tripping kids from the rival party to get to the eggs first.
* Joe Biden attended the University of Delaware's NCAA Women's Tournament game, where fans complained that he kept standing and blocking their view. This answers the question: Can Biden even go to a basketball game without stirring up controversy? No, apparently he cannot.
* Rush Limbaugh criticized Beyonce's new song. President Obama reportedly said: “I'm not going to stand by and let Limbaugh trash a member of my Cabinet.” Then someone pointed out that while she's around the White House a lot, technically Beyonce is not a member of the Cabinet.
* In Vogue magazine, President Obama compared Michelle to Beyonce. Remember the old days when Martha Washington was the benchmark for first ladies?